Yes, we’ve been writing more and more about youth sports. But is it really that big of a surprise, since our kids are now 2-3 years into their teams and activities?
Just like OT, everything is foundational. What they are learning now is going to shape their social skills and identity 5, 10, 20+ years down the road.
Our kids’ sports experiences are vastly different, and they are uncovering a lot of skills and lessons for us parents to dive into. We’re also seeing a lot of bad habits thanks to sports system that’s getting harder to navigate.
Therein lies the conundrum: How long will our kids be on this path before it starts turning into a tearful, stressful, time-sucking money pit? Can we walk the line, or are we already in the vicious cycle?
Mary’s Chat
My son had been playing baseball since he was five. It was never his “cricket” the way it was for many of his friends, but he genuinely enjoyed it. We appreciated that it taught him about effort and hard work, teamwork, and resilience; all the things childhood sports are supposed to offer.
Then 9U fall baseball arrived, and everything shifted for him and for us. A coach told him, “You are nine, you are in 9U, you should be perfect by now,” even though he was only eight at the time. It was also unsettling to watch kids who paid for private lessons receive preferential treatment, while he was left without the constructive feedback he needed. The season drained the joy out of a sport he once liked and left me with a bitter taste about youth sports.
This should be the stage where kids learn mechanics while still loving the game. Instead, parents and coaches were becoming more competitive, more intense, and harsher toward children who were simply trying to play. I have seen and heard too many stories of kids crying because a coach yelled at them for missing a play or parents heckling a batter to make sure he struck out. And then there was the moment a child started throwing equipment and screaming at his teammates in the dugout after being ejected for poor sportsmanship. No adult stepped in to guide him or address the behavior. Instead, his parents yelled at the umpire for making a “bad call.”
Youth baseball has become part of the growing, money-driven sports industrial complex, and it feels like it is robbing kids of the kind of childhood nostalgia you see in movies like The Sandlot. Some of our neighborhood kids hesitate to pick up a bat because they already believe they are not good enough; often because other kids are bragging and showboating. Early specialization has taken away the fun, the friendships, and the freedom that sports should offer and replaced it with pressure and competition that do not belong in the lives of elementary school kids.
After baseball, my son wanted to try Taekwondo, and it has been the best thing for him in terms of discipline, focus, and even self‑reflection. It has sparked an internal motivation to improve, not only in the martial art but also in his schoolwork and chores at home. I think the structure of belt tests and the ceremony where he earns the next belt give him a clear sense of direction and something concrete to work toward. He knows where he stands, versus never feeling good enough.
This summer, all three of my kids are joining swim team; something new for our family. Even with the commitment of five practices a week and evening meets, the focus is entirely on self‑improvement and beating their own time. For the girls, the goal in their age group (4-6) is simply to swim the length of the pool on their own, which earns them a spot at a meet.
Everyone cheers for each other, and the coaches have been positive and supportive. Exactly what we were looking for. If they ever want a more competitive path, there is a separate affiliated team they can join later down the road. For now, it is reassuring to know they can work on their technique, build confidence, and enjoy the sport at their own pace.
Patti’s Chat
I came from a family that didn’t really care what I did because I wasn’t “athletic”. Then later after I joined Masters rowing (after 6 years of coxing high school and college rowing), I was told I was taking crew too seriously and I should just be happy that I got to play at all after high school. Meanwhile, my parents were sinking endless dollars and time into my 8-year-old sister’s softball career. So, I already have a bit of a chip on my shoulder when it comes to travel sports.
Aeris moving forward with development team soccer has put all kinds of ads in my algorithm; from travel team tryouts to skill-building videos, to “what’s wrong with youth soccer” clips. The prevalence of depression in girls’ soccer players as they get older, the drop out rate once kids reach 13, the lack of work-life balance through high school; it’s hard to see looking long-term.
With a tryout looming next week, she has been worried she won’t make the U9 team, asking about how to get faster and requesting that we add push-ups and sprints to her daily task list. While I’m all for her growing as an athlete, I do get worried about injuries and anxiety.
However, one of her biggest motivators has been to stay with her teammates who are becoming fast friends. During the rounds of end-of-season parties, both of my girls have come into their own with their teammates, none of whom go to our school. They played and goofed around, asked for playdates over the summer. Could it really be that bad if all of these girls are forming such tight bonds?
A couple years ago, I read an econ blog post on Why Do We Even Play Soccer. It went into how US professional soccer players don’t make nearly as much money as other professional athletes, simply because soccer isn’t big in American entertainment culture. Soccer is one of the most saturated youth sports, going beyond high school varsity teams and splitting into multiple travel organizations (ECNL, MLS Next, DP, etc.). But their goal is to get buy in, not develop talent or character.
Pair that with the always enjoyable stat, only 8% of men’s high school players will play soccer in college (only 1 in 108 will be Div I). It directly said that you will not get any return on investment for soccer because not enough people watch it and companies are slow to invest in it on the youth sports level. Versus other countries whose youth soccer/football pipeline is funded by the state or professional football clubs. You might as well just let your kid have a good time in a local rec team and put your money in a standard 529 college account. (TBH, that was my plan anyway.)
When Troy and I started the girls in kiddie kicker soccer, then 6-year-old rec soccer, then local summer soccer camps, we agreed that we would push the girls athletically if they asked for it. Meaning they would have to take the lead and let us know when enough was enough. That being said, it’s hard to push for growth and effort when there are multiple team hierarchies in just a 10-mile radius and the goal post keeps moving further away.
This year, our sports practices (field hockey, golf, tennis, and soccer) have been mostly drills and skill-building. All “games” were friendlies, no one was keeping score or ranked. So, while we stayed plenty busy, nothing about the season seemed stressful or draining on them. But, turning eight this summer means they will jump age brackets. Youth soccer will now be by school year, not birth year, and A will be the absolute youngest person in her pool. As per the previous blog post, “no parent likes to hear that their child is falling behind.”
This definitely gives me pause because while I want the girls to grow and have fun in their sports, I also want them to take this new level of competitiveness seriously. Not because I want them to cook their teammates, but because I can see a level of maturity coming out of them when they have an expectation to rise to.
Which brings me to the Long Game.
What exactly do I want for my girls through these sports?
Physical Fitness
They sure as hell have more cardio fitness than I did at seven. This has helped them get better sleep, listen to their bodies, eat more and eat better. They are also catching on to concepts and skills faster, and I can see their coordination and muscle memory working.
Social Skills
You don’t meet a whole lot of other kids when your mom keeps you at home after school. In each of their respective activities, the girls are having fun, remembering kids’ names, and making their version of BFFs. The camaraderie of sports teams, especially girls’ teams, is so impactful when everyone isn’t trying to one-up each other.
Internal Motivation
Over the season, I’ve pointed out their growth from year to year and even practice to practice. They want to get better, faster, learn more tricks. Keeping up with peers is also motivator; but instead of competition, I like to think of it as “a rising tide lifts all boats”.
Resilience
Z especially has a habit of starting a new thing and expecting to be amazing at it right away. There are always a few stumbles and tears out of the gate, but they have never asked if they could quit.
Opening Up
This season was the first where we had to limit the number of commitments. A wanted to commit to soccer, so she had to take a break from tennis. Z wanted to try tennis, so we gave her a break from golf. We are adding these as camps, while the team sports are on summer break. Meanwhile, they’ve had other friends invite them to “Try Out” days for girls’ lacrosse and rugby. Not sure if those are going to land in the rotation, but those are sports they were originally intimidated by, and now there is more of a fun curiosity.
I think Mary and I are still on the bright side when it comes to sports and our kids. We’re taking it year by year, team by team, and assessing each season. It’s taken a bit of try-on, but the kids are finding their stride and are still happy to go to practice.
Child(ish) Advice 