Social and emotional development involves gaining the capacity to understand, manage, and express. One way to guide its growth is with social and emotional learning (SEL). While this systematic approach is often seen in educational settings, it can be applied across the lifespan.

There are five competencies in this area, also known as the CASEL 5. They are:

• Self-awareness – recognize one’s own emotions/thoughts/interests/values, how these qualities influence actions, as well as maintaining a positive self-view and belief in abilties
• Self-management – regulate emotions/thoughts/behaviors in different situations, handle stress and resist urges, and set goals
• Social awareness – understand subtle social/cultural rules and norms, considers other perspectives, show respect and empathy towards others
• Relationship skills – establish and maintain relationships with others, resist negative social pressure, work well with others, prevent and solve conflicts with others, seek help when needed
• Responsible decision making – accurately identify and evaluate problems, make decisions based on ethical and social norms, consider context when making decisions, contribute positively to the community

These skills enable us to maintain a healthy self-perception, manage stress effectively, comprehend others, and collaborate to support the community.

So, how can we implement social and emotional learning throughout our children’s lives? Let’s start at the beginning.

Infants and Toddlers

0-3 months

• Babies communicate their needs through coos and cries. Responding quickly and consistently teaches them to trust you, fostering a secure attachment and healthy emotional development.
• Strengthen your bond with your infant by making funny faces, singing, talking, and providing positive touch. This helps them learn to focus, introduces language, and offers physical comfort and security.
• Mirror facial expressions to help your baby learn emotions by connecting feelings with faces, laying the foundation for emotional intelligence.
• Establish predictable routines, like sleep and feeding, which will help with emotional regulation.

3-6 months

• Play interactive games like Peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek. These activities teach the concept of object permanence (understanding that objects still exist even when hidden), which can help your baby grasp the idea of separation and reunion. This builds trust and reduces anxiety.
• Build their emotional vocabulary by identifying facial expressions and associating them with basic emotions like happy, sad, or angry.
• Promote exploratory (sensorimotor) play. This type of play not only satisfies their sensory needs but also gives your baby a sense of achievement and control over their surroundings when they successfully reach and grab objects. This, in turn, boosts their confidence and self-esteem.

6-9 months

• Incorporate simple gestures and baby sign language to help reduce frustration and enhance communication skills. This provides an alternative way for your baby to express their wants and needs effectively.
• Organize supervised playdates with other infants. These interactions allow babies to engage in parallel play and foster connections with their peers, which is fundamental for developing future social skills.
• Read books with emotional themes to help your baby recognize and understand different feelings. Opt for books with clear, simple illustrations that depict various emotions.

9-12 months

• Cause-and-effect toys, like the ones that make noise when pressed or light up, can help your little one learn that that their actions have consequences. This also builds their sense of agency and control within their environment.
• Provide opportunities for your baby to self-soothe, such as offering their favorite stuffed animal or blanket when they’re upset.
• Allow for exploration of their environment as this will foster independence and confidence while also teaching them boundaries.
• Simple turn-taking games, like passing the ball back-and-forth, teach social skills like sharing and cooperation as well as understanding the give-and-take nature of relationships.

18 months – 2 years

• Engage in emotion recognition activities such as using emotion matching cards, creating facial expressions with play dough or making emotion-themed collages. Singing songs that include emotions, like “If You’re Happy and You Know It,” can also be effective.
• Encourage your child to make faces in the mirror and name the emotions they see. This helps them link their feelings with outward expressions.

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Early Childhood

3-4 years

• While reading books, invite your child to share what they think the characters might be feeling.
• Encourage your child to act out scenarios involving different emotions using puppets, stuffed animals, or dolls to help them express their feelings.
• Engage in cooperative activities like cleaning, cooking, or gardening to promote teamwork and sharing.
• Have a dance party and encourage your child to dance according to the mood of the music they’re listening to.
• Introduce age-appropriate dilemmas to your child and have them work through the problem-solving process to encourage conflict resolution skills

5-6 years

• Role-play social situations like “meeting a new friend” or “apologizing for a mistake” is good practice for real-life interactions without the pressure.
• Consider the “Kindness Jar” activity. Each time your child does something kind or demonstrates empathy, they place a pom-pom in the jar. Once it’s full, celebrate with a special treat or activity. This serves as a visual reminder of the importance of kindness and understanding.
• Teach emotional regulation techniques like “belly breathing” or counting to ten they can use when stressed or overwhelmed.
• Activities like group games, making friendship bracelets, and playing at the playground foster complex social relationships, promote teamwork, and enhance communication skills.

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Late Childhood

7-11 years

• Encourage your child to keep a journal where they can write or draw about their emotions.
• Try simple mindfulness exercises like the “five senses” game, where you take turns naming things you can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.
• Utilize social stories to demonstrate proper social behaviors and responses to various situations.
• Foster creative expression through art, music, and drama, enabling children to explore and convey their emotions.

Adolescence

• Introduce emotion tracking apps like “Mood Meter” to help them monitor and understand their emotions over time.
• Engage in volunteer work and community service to develop empathy and social awareness.
• Promote emotional regulation strategies such as identifying triggers, using positive self-talk, and practicing self-compassion.
• Expand mindfulness and relaxation techniques to meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to help teens manage stress and develop emotional awareness.
• Assist teens in setting realistic goals and creating action plans to achieve them.
• Encourage life skills, like laundry and cooking, to prep them for independent living
• Support the development of assertiveness and self-advocacy 
• Stress the importance of building healthy and positive relationships with peers, family members, and mentors. Encourage open communication, understanding non-verbal cues, and active listening

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Simple enough, right?
Growing up, we can see how our parents never really made it a point to nurture or model social and emotional development.  They took the “you’ll find out when your older” approach. With this approach, you are consistently checking in with your kids and helping them develop the language and trust for them to communicate themselves with you and in turn, with others. It complements school enrichment curriculum that emphasize emotional intelligence, recognizing feelings, learning empathy, and showing kindness.

Other things to keep in mind

While we do our best to guide SEL, other internal and external factors like temperaments, stress, or medical conditions and medical history can impact social and emotional development rates.

For example, while everyday stressors help in developing conflict resolution and resilience, prolonged and intense stress can have lasting effects. Premature babies face stress from the start, with life-saving medical procedures and parental anxiety. Without appropriate intervention, like positive touch to encourage bonding and coregulation with their primary caregivers, these experiences can affect their social and emotional development.

The effects of traumatic stress include:

• Difficulty bonding and coregulating with others
• Decreased self-regulation
• Decreased ability to socially engage with peers and adults
• Difficulty understanding emotions of self and others

Keep these factors in mind and adjust your approach as needed.

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