I thought it relevant and a natural extension to the big, baffling behavior conversation to talk about our kid’s behavior at school. While our kids are at school, they are 100% out of our control and that can be nerve-wracking.

I would be mortified if our kids acted at school the way they act at home. Not to say that their behavior is particularly bad or challenging; they are fairly typical but today’s breakfast outburst was super annoying. I think we all have a fear that our kid is going to cry/scream/throw themselves on the floor on the daily when we’re not there.

We’ve also been told that bad behavior at home is age-appropriate. It means that your kid is comfortable enough to lose their sh*t with you. But a kid who misbehaves at school means that the kid is in fight/fright/flight mode with parents and this is indicative of problems at home. The reverse psychology of it has us feeling like any hiccup is a direct sign of bad parenting.

So what do we do and what role does the school environment and teacher play?

First, we have to acknowledge that teaching isn’t easy. New and lifelong teachers are leaving the profession in droves because they are getting short changed by administration and steamrolled by parents. In addition, teachers and their curriculum are the subject of political debate, and no one wants to work in a place where getting hit by a student is very real occurrence.

While we can’t solve that problem in one blog post, parents can start thinking of teachers as part of their kid’s team. Extending from last week’s book posts on happy owl brain parents, you could say that teachers who feel safe and supported teach the way they want to. And a happy teacher means happy students.

Second, all teachers want their students to succeed. It doesn’t do them any favors if kids are failing or getting in-school suspension. So get the whole “she just wants my kid to fail” or “she just doesn’t like my kid” narrative out of your head.

Getting a negative call or message about your kid’s behavior is never fun and in most cases, you’re going to be defensive. See this Tiktok. Drop your guard for a second and try to be objective. Teachers can get dysregulated the same way you can. So a bit of compassion and empathy can go a long way.

If you think your kid is in fight/flight/fright/freeze mode in school, that’s an appropriate question to ask the teacher objectively. Team up with your teacher to tackle the dysregulation at school and reinforce it at home.

Also be open to the idea that dysregulation could be coming from classmates, separation anxiety, performance anxiety, other things going on at home, academic insecurity, peer pressure, sensory input or lack of, sleep deprivation, etc.

Third, let’s be honest, most of us could never manage a classroom of kids, regardless of if they are elementary, middle, high school or college-age. So saying that teachers just need to do their job better is an a**hole move. Most people also aren’t going to regard your child as highly as you. So as much as your kid may be the center of your world, they cannot be the center of their classroom.

Conversely, remember that displayed behavior isn’t a character trait. A kid who talks to much, a kid who doesn’t understand instructions, a kid who can’t keep still; these are all common classroom disruptions but they do not make terrible kids. Same rules apply: be curious about the behavior not judgmental of it.

So where does that leave us?
Maybe it means that we are in owl brain and can think through this situation the same way we deal with bad behavior at home. We bring together the needs of the classroom and the needs of your child to make a better learning/teaching environment for everyone.

Big Picture

Tiktok and #teachertok has given us a pretty scary idea of what days are like in school classrooms. Personally, my kids are only in Kindergarten and have always loved their teachers. But, I get worried that challenging behavior in public will eventually lead to the disrespectful stories we’re hearing about Sephora tweens. Most of our readers are parents to younger children, and we’re trying so hard to fix this problem and instill social skills and courtesies before we get to the “Let me tell you what happened to me in Sephora” level.

Have a story about dealing with your kid’s in-school behavior? Share in the comments.

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