While working at a pediatric clinic, seasoned therapists often noted that boys responded best to clear expectations and consistent consequences, while girls benefited more from patience, emotional connection, and time to process instructions and feelings.

When I was just starting out, I assumed all kids processed things the same and saw girls’ need for patience as coddling. For context, I was raised in an Asian household where emotions were seen more as a weakness than an asset. So, if you had to cry, go outside.  

With time however, I realized I was wrong. It wasn’t that they didn’t understand the task; it was that they wanted to get it right so badly. Sometimes they’d miss the mark on the first try, or they’d misread my tone and think I was upset with them. Other times, they were simply grappling with the fact that there was no room to negotiate the task or the consequence. What they needed wasn’t leniency—it was time, clarity, and emotional safety. Check out this IG video.

We know that boy and girl brains are different, but what are the actual characteristics a girl brain and makes it’s learning processes distinct from its male counterpart?  

For years, brain research centered mostly on male subjects, leaving the female brain largely overlooked. This imbalance didn’t just limit what we knew; it fueled myths about girls’ cognitive strengths and potential. Now (hallelujah) that’s changing. Scientists are now uncovering the unique pathways of female brain development, challenging old assumptions and opening new doors for understanding and support.

Brain Differences

First thing’s first: Recognizing differences in how boys’ and girls’ brains develop isn’t about ranking or favoring one over the other. These differences are part of the wide spectrum of how people think, relate, and develop. They are just one facet of the broader landscape of cognitive diversity.

Girl brains have a general trend:

• Overall Size. Brain size doesn’t equal brain power. While female brains are, on average, a bit smaller and lighter than male brains, that doesn’t say anything about intelligence or capability.
  
  
• Gray Matter. Gray matter is the part of the brain responsible for processing information. It’s made up mostly of neuron cell bodies (the working units of the brain), handling tasks like thinking, feeling, remembering, and decision-making. Girls typically have more gray matter in regions related to memory and emotional regulation.
  
  
• Brain Connectivity. Girls often exhibit higher global functional connectivity density (gFCD), indicating more integrated brain networks. They also tend to utilize both hemispheres more evenly, particularly during language and emotional processing.
  
  
• Brain Structures. Girls often show brain differences that support early strengths in communication, emotional awareness, and learning. These include:
  • A larger prefrontal cortex, aiding decision-making, impulse control, and social interaction
  • Greater volume in the regions tied to language, empathy, and emotional processing (superior temporal cortex and insula)
  • A more developed corpus callosum (the bundle of nerve fibers that connect both hemispheres), enhancing multitasking and integration across hemispheres
  • Earlier amygdala maturation, contributing to emotional intelligence and social skills
    
    
• Development. By three months, boys and girls show different brain responses to speech, hinting at early divergence in language processing. Girls tend to engage language regions more actively and reach early milestones (like verbal expression and emotional attunement) sooner than boys.

These brain differences help explain some of the early strengths and behaviors we often see in girls—but they’re just part of the story. The brain isn’t fixed; it’s constantly evolving and it starts before they’re even born.

Building the “Girl” Brain

Testosterone plays an important role in brain development for both boys and girls. In girls, even small amounts help shape key regions involved in spatial reasoning, attention, and motor coordination during fetal development. While testosterone tends to drive many aspects of brain growth in boys, it’s estrogen that plays a key role in shaping the female brain, especially in areas related to emotion, social cognition, and verbal skills.

Even before puberty, estrogen helps shape the female brain. As its most potent form, estradiol, it supports emotional and social development by helping brain cells connect and communicate. But during fetal development, a protective protein called alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) prevents excess maternal estradiol from entering the brain. This keeps the female brain from being masculinized too early and allows it to follow a typical female developmental trajectory.  

For example, blocking estradiol allows the hypothalamus (hormone regulator) to develop a GnRH surge center, an essential feature that later regulates the hormonal rhythms behind ovulation and the menstrual cycle. As girls mature and begin producing estrogen, the hormone actively supports brain development in regions linked to empathy, language, and emotional regulation.

An honorable mention goes to oxytocin (aka the “love hormone”) as it plays a powerful role in shaping emotional and social development, especially in girls. Its receptors begin forming in the brain before birth, and estrogen helps boost their number in females. Surges in oxytocin during childbirth and breastfeeding help wire the brain for bonding, trust, and emotional regulation. Girls typically show higher baseline oxytocin activity, which may support early empathy, sensitivity to social cues, and attunement to facial expressions and tone of voice which are key ingredients for connection and communication.

Because of early differences in brain development, especially in emotional and social regions, girls often show heightened sensitivity to tone, facial expressions, and relational dynamics. Hormonal influences like estrogen and oxytocin amplify empathy, emotional awareness, and a drive to “get it right.” 

When a girl seems to need “coddling,” it may actually reflect deep emotional processing. Her pause could mean she’s reading tone or checking for signs of disappointment. Hesitation might come from wanting to be accurate, not from uncertainty. And gentle pushback may be her way of navigating emotional nuance or preserving autonomy. Also, girls are often socialized to be conscientious, relational, and emotionally aware. These behaviors reflect emotional insight and connection, not weakness.

Slipping Through the Cracks

As research begins to explore how female brains function, it’s shedding light on how and why girls are often misdiagnosed or overlooked for neurodevelopmental disorders that boys are more readily flagged for:

• Autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Girls with ASD often mask their symptoms more effectively than boys, displaying subtler social challenges and fewer stereotypical behaviors. This camouflaging can delay diagnosis and limit access to appropriate support.
  
  
• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Girls with ADHD often show more inattentive symptoms than hyperactivity, making their challenges easier to miss. They may have trouble with organization, time management, and emotional regulation, and tend to internalize their struggles rather than display disruptive behavior.
  
  
• Anxiety. Girls often show heightened emotional processing and stronger brain connectivity for empathy and self-awareness. These strengths can also increase sensitivity to stress—especially in relationships, academics, and social comparison. From a young age, girls may internalize anxiety, with signs like perfectionism, withdrawal, or physical complaints.

Easily Influenced

Historically, spatial reasoning and mathematical aptitude were thought to be male strengths. However, recent studies have found that while boys may perform slightly better on visuo-spatial reasoning and other mental rotation tasks, girls often excel in math calculation and problem-solving. The female brain may not be biologically primed for certain spatial tasks, but it’s highly responsive to environmental and cultural influences.

From early childhood, socialization and gender expectations begin shaping the developing brain. For instance, girls are spoken to more frequently, encouraged to express emotions, and praised for social connection. This reinforces neural pathways tied to language, empathy, and executive function. Additionally, the toys we offer and the behaviors we reinforce influence neural pathways and cognitive skills. Spatial play (such as playing with blocks or building sets), for example, can strengthen math and science-related areas in girls.

Education and learning environments also play a key role. Research suggests that single-sex education can enhance girls’ confidence and achievement in subjects like math and science, where they’ve been historically underrepresented. That doesn’t mean girls need to attend single-sex schools, but it does highlight the importance of creating supportive, inclusive environments that build confidence and foster strong performance.

What a Girl Wants (and Needs)

Parents can support their daughter’s developing brain by creating environments that nurture emotional safety, cognitive growth, and social connection:

• Emotional Safety and Human Connection. Girls thrive in environments with warm, responsive adults, strong peer connections, and emotional validation. Calm, consistent support helps them feel safe enough to take risks. Collaborative learning taps into their social motivation, while naming and normalizing feelings builds trust. Modeling calm behavior reinforces emotional security and regulation.
  
  
• Language and Expression. Girls often respond best when given space to reflect and express themselves. Open-ended questions spark storytelling and deepen emotional insight, while unhurried conversations honor their thoughtfulness and verbal strengths.
  
  
• Room to Build Cognitive Confidence. Girls benefit from clear structure paired with choice, fostering autonomy and confidence. Environments that normalize mistakes and praise effort over perfection help reduce anxiety and build resilience. Allowing time to process supports deeper engagement and emotional understanding.
  
  
• Healthy Risk-Taking. Support girls by encouraging healthy risk-taking, balancing emotional support with cognitive challenge. Normalize mistakes as part of learning, and foster autonomy through choice, problem-solving, and self-advocacy—even when it’s imperfect.
  
  
• Examples of Healthy Relationships. Girls often mirror relational cues, so modeling empathy and boundaries helps build balanced social skills. Supporting peer connection and guiding compassionate conflict resolution fosters emotional growth.

The girl brain is full of complexity, resilience, and untapped brilliance. When we truly understand how it grows and responds to the world around it, we can build spaces that don’t just support girls, but allows them to them feel seen, heard, and empowered to be exactly who they are.

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