Ever since my son was in daycare, I’ve heard “boys will be boys” tossed around. This was mostly to explain his energetic, impulsive behavior, especially during play or social interactions. I’ve never liked that saying. It felt like a shrug, an excuse, as if rough-and-tumble behavior is inevitable or exclusively male. And let’s be honest, girls can stir up just as much chaos as their male peers.

But as he moved into elementary school, the patterns became harder to ignore. More boys in his grade were on medication for ADHD. More boys were getting flagged for disruptive behavior. The gap wasn’t just anecdotal anymore. It was showing up in classroom dynamics, discipline charts, and parent-teacher conferences.

Recent research confirms that there are differences between male and female brains, but I keep wondering: Are those differences present before puberty? And if they are, how much do they actually shape the way boys and girls learn, connect, and navigate the world around them?

In this two-part series, we’ll explore how brain development may diverge between boys and girls, and how we can best support them as parents as they grow. First up: The boy brain.

Built Differently

It’s important to say this up front: Acknowledging brain differences between boys and girls isn’t about claiming one is better/smarter/more preferred than the other. Think of it as both boys and girls are trying to get to the same place, and they just take very different routes. These variations are part of the natural diversity in how humans think, feel, and grow. It is just one of many expressions regarding neurodiversity.

While every brain is unique, research has uncovered some general trends in how male and female brains develop and function. Some key differences of the boy brain are:

• Brain volume. Boys tend to have slightly larger overall brain volumes than girls, even after adjusting for body size. On average, male brains are about 10–12% larger than female brains. However, this doesn’t correlate with intelligence.
  
  
• Gray and white matter distribution. Gray matter acts as the brain’s processing hubs, made up of neuron cell bodies, while white matter are myelinated axons that form the communication pathways between different regions. Boys often show more white matter in areas tied to coordination, movement, and fast signal transmission, which may support physical exploration and spatial play. Interestingly, male infants also appear to have more gray matter in regions linked to sensory processing and motor control.
  
  
• Brain structures. Boys have a larger inferior-parietal lobule (IPL) in the left hemisphere, indicating stronger early performance in tasks related to spatial reasoning, tool usage, and motor planning. Additionally, their cerebellums tend to grow faster than girls’ in the first few months after birth.
  
  
• Development. Boys’ brains tend to mature more slowly in areas related to language and impulse control, which can affect behavior and learning in early childhood. While girls often reach milestones in language, fine motor skills, and social awareness earlier, boys begin to close the gap around 3 years of age.

Again, these are trends, not absolutes. These developmental patterns may help explain why boys often show more physical activity and spatial play, and slower impulse control or verbal fluency early on. So, what causes the difference? Hormones.

Hormonal Blueprint

Testosterone is an essential developmental hormone, especially in males during puberty. While it’s often dubbed the “male hormone,” it influences brain development and connectivity in all genders.

The change occurs during fetal development. Between weeks 8–24 of gestation, male infants are exposed to significantly higher levels of testosterone from the testes. This surge helps shape certain brain regions differently than their female counterparts. After birth, testosterone levels dip, then rise again during “mini-puberty” (around 1-6 months), potentially adding another layer of influence on brain development.

Testosterone influences behavior largely by shaping brain structure and function. Studies have shown that testosterone can alter the size and connectivity of certain brain regions, like the amygdala (emotion and threat detection), hypothalamus (behavior regulation and circadian rhythm), and cerebellum (motor and cognitive coordination). Testosterone also contributes to more front-to-back brain connectivity, which supports tasks like building, navigating, and problem-solving—often aligning with their strengths in spatial and kinesthetic learning.

Even before puberty, boys tend to have more testosterone in the brain than girls. This early hormonal edge can nudge traits like confidence, competitiveness, and assertiveness, while slightly dampening emotional sensitivity and favoring task-focused or status-driven interactions.

These differences may shape how boys interact, learn, and express themselves, but they don’t define who they are. It also doesn’t mean that ALL boys behave this way. If your son doesn’t match this personality type, that is not to say there is something biologically or genetically wrong.

Testosterone is just one piece of the puzzle. Estrogen, oxytocin, genetics, and environment all play a role in shaping a child’s brain and behavior. Understanding these influences helps us support boys with empathy, flexibility, and tools that match how they grow.

The Thing About School

These patterns don’t define individual boys or predict outcomes, but they help explain why some struggle in settings that require sitting still or emphasize verbal expression or early literacy. Classrooms often prioritize seated, language-driven tasks that reflect strengths more commonly seen in girls. For many boys, prolonged stillness is difficult. This isn’t because they’re defiant, but because their brains are wired for movement and stimulation. Increased cerebellar activity and lower levels of serotonin and oxytocin (neurochemicals that support inhibition and emotional regulation) can make them more prone to fidgeting and impulsivity.

The result: The over- and misdiagnosis of ADHD in boys rooted in biology, behavior, and bias.

While some boys truly have ADHD, typical behaviors like high energy, fidgeting, and risk-taking are often misread. In structured environments that favor stillness and quiet, movement and impulsiveness can be mistaken for the condition. Boys’ brains mature more slowly in areas like the prefrontal cortex (which governs attention and self-control), making normal developmental lags look like ADHD even when they’re not.

So, what do boys need to learn effectively?

• Movement-Friendly Spaces. Boys often thrive with movement-based learning. Support focus and engagement through flexible seating, frequent breaks, and active study strategies—like walking while reading or turning test review into a game with physical activity.
  
  
• Visual and Spatial Tools. Boys tend to excel in visual-spatial reasoning. Incorporate visual tools (think diagrams, videos, and sketching/visual note-taking) to support engagement and deepen understanding through interactive, image-based learning.
  
  
• Clear Structure with Purpose. Testosterone can increase impulsivity, so boys benefit from structure. Support executive function with clear goals, visual tools, and short, manageable tasks. Build planning skills through checklists, timers, and collaborative projects.
  
  
• Competition and Challenge. Boys often thrive with goals and friendly competition. Use games and challenges to make learning engaging, celebrating effort and personal growth over comparison.
  
  
• Safe Emotional Space. Early brain lateralization in boys can make verbal, emotional expression more challenging. Support emotional growth through creative outlets, empathy, and a safe space for feelings and mistakes. Encourage emotional vocabulary, praise effort and strategy, and frame setbacks as part of learning.
  
  
• Real-World Relevance. Boys engage more when learning feels practical. Connect lessons to real life through hands-on projects and guest speakers who link classroom content to the wider world.

When we have a better understanding of boys through a developmental lens and can partner with teachers, we create a learning environment that honors how boys grow. By sharing insights, advocating for flexible strategies, and offering steady support at home, we help boys feel seen, capable, and motivated in a healthy way.

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