Move over helicopter and free-range parents. New, trending parenting styles are in town and making themselves known. While gentle parenting has had its seat at the table, new ones have risen in response, and we can thank Kylie Kelce for bringing one into the light.
F*ck Around and Find Out
Just as its moniker describes, FAFO is a blunt way of allowing kids to make choices, experience the results, and learn from them (the “do it and see what happens” approach). This parenting format gained popularity when Kylie Kelce shared how she handles her children. She gave an example of her daughter refusing to wear a jacket in cold weather. Instead of forcing her to put it on, she let her step outside briefly to feel the temperature. Once her daughter realized how cold it was, she willingly put on the jacket.
You could say that FAFO parenting is similar to the French style of parenting since it fosters child exploration within a relative safety boundary. Of course, we’re not telling kids to go play in traffic or touch the stove and see what happens.
As usual, her honesty sparked some online debate about the method. While this parenting style emphasizes natural consequences instead of constant parental intervention (consequently building resilience and independence), some contest that it can sometimes be too harsh or retributive. If taken to an extreme, children might feel unsupported rather than empowered.
While I doubt any caring parent would take it that far, natural consequences offer valuable learning experiences and help build resilience. After all, resilience is essential for a child’s growth and development. But it isn’t just FAFO that has popped up, others include:
- Lighthouse parenting provides a balance between independence and emotional security, ensuring children feel supported while learning to navigate challenges. “You’re good, I see you.”
- Lazy parenting (when done intentionally) can promote self-sufficiency by allowing children to make decisions without constant parental intervention. “You can do it yourself…”
- Modern minimalist parenting emphasizes simplifying family life by cutting out unnecessary stress (overscheduling, excessive rules, material clutter) to provide a calm, structured, and intentional environment that supports growth. “We’re good, thanks…”
The common theme with these new parenting personas is to eliminate the excess stress and let kids figure things out on their own. So why are these styles gaining traction?
Be “Gentle”
Gentle parenting emerged as a response to parenting trends that lacked emotional support. Instead of strict discipline, punishment, and control, this child-centered approach focuses on empathy, respect, and understanding. It encourages parents to guide their children through emotional regulation and problem-solving rather than relying on fear-based tactics.
While this method sounds amazing on paper, it can be difficult to apply to real life. Reasons include:
- Many parents were raised in authoritarian households, making it difficult to shift to a more empathetic and patient style. This is usually reactionary and goes against what was engrained in us.
- Gentle parenting requires parents to remain calm and composed, which can be tough in stressful situations.
- This approach often requires more patience, communication, and emotional engagement, which can be tiring for busy parents.
- Social media often portrays gentle parenting as effortless and consistently composed, creating unrealistic expectations and guilt for parents who struggle to maintain it.
- External pressures such as financial strain, work demands, and personal challenges can make it harder to practice gentle parenting regularly.
- Some children may be more strong-willed or emotionally intense, making gentle parenting feel less effective in certain situations.
While gentle parenting has its benefits, it can be challenging to sustain. Success in this approach requires consistent self-regulation, which often means doing the deep work of breaking generational cycles and healing from past childhood trauma. Even with all the effort we put into this journey, exhaustion is inevitable. Sometimes, there just isn’t much energy left in the tank.
Let Them
Popularized by American Podcast host Mel Robbins and the subsequent book, the Let Them Theory encourages people to step back and allow others to make their own choices without interference. The idea is that trying to control others often leads to frustration, while letting them experience life on their own terms fosters growth, independence, and emotional peace. This simple yet powerful concept helps people release control, reduce stress, and focus on their own happiness and well-being. Keep in mind, this is not a parenting thing, but a tool to help adults break people-pleasing habits. The book does come with a parenting guide, however.
What’s interesting is that this concept aligns with FAFO parenting. In fact, many parents find that stepping back allows children to develop resilience, independence, and problem-solving skills. Additionally, the Let Them Theory complements gentle parenting, minimizing power struggles and encouraging parents to regulate their own responses through the mindset of relinquishing control.
Do You, Boo
I’ve seen this Let Them vibe in a variety of social media posts, reality shows, and podcasts I follow. The mindset of “Who cares? Why does it matter? Does it affect you?” is widely accepted when it comes to personal choices. Yet, when it comes to parenting, there seems to be less grace for different approaches. Take, for instance, the recent incident with Emily Oster.
Parenting author and economist Emily Oster sparked discussion when she revealed on a podcast that she frequently declines invitations to children’s birthday parties in order to prioritize family time. She explained that her family cherishes Sunday mornings together and prefers activities like hiking over attending birthday celebrations scheduled during that time. Even though this was clearly explained in The Family Firm, so many Tiktokers came out of the woodwork, saying that she’s a controlling mom or “where does she get off calling herself a parenting expert” or “I bet her kids hate her.” Despite the discord, she defended her decision, clarifying that her family does attend parties when they align with their schedule, but she believes in setting clear priorities for family time.
At the end of the day, does it really matter what she chooses for her family? Her parenting decisions align with their lifestyle and values, and that’s what works for them. Who are we to judge—her or anyone else—for the choices they make? As long as her kids are safe and well, it’s not our place to pass judgment. Let’s be honest, we’ve all made parenting decisions that others might question, but we stand by them because they feel right for us. And if it no longer suits us, we’re welcome to change it.
A Child(ish) Reads Aside
The Coda/Epilogue from our last CR review of The Good Mother Myth covers a 1950’s psychology study from Seymour Levine. He was studying how stress in young rats could have psychological effects in their adulthood. Young rats were separated into three groups: one group who lived with only their mother in a cage, one group exposed to mild electric shock, and one group handled by the researcher with no mom and no shocks.
When the rats reached maturity, the rats were released in an open field test. The rats that were handled, with and without electric shocks, were able to survive and function much better than those that had only lived with a mother. Those rats froze once they were out in the open; they were too scared to move and they peed themselves.
The study concluded that we all need to be exposed to some stress in childhood. Kids need to feel what it’s like to come up short, or be disappointed, or fail and must fix it themselves. This is what breaks the myth that a good mother needs to fulfill her child’s every need. Even if it was realistically possible for a mom to make sure that their child gets everything they want and is never disappointed, in the long run it does them a disservice. They wouldn’t learn how to be self-sufficient, build coping mechanisms to deal with complex feelings, or navigate equitable relationships.
So even in those moments where you feel like you’re a “bad mom” or you handled something poorly, you are still modeling a teachable moment.
Parenting isn’t about following a single philosophy or fitting into a set framework. We know it can be empowering to find a community with like-minded people who are trying their best to set their kids up for success. However, just because you’ve found a sentiment that you vibe with, it doesn’t mean that everyone else’s differing choices are wrong.
Also keep in mind that childhood is fluid. As kids grow and learn, they need different things and approaches from their parents. You could start out as Attachment, then flow into Helicopter, then Dolphin for a while until your child gets older and can be more capable. You are not stuck for life.
Whether you lean toward gentle parenting, FAFO parenting, or a mix of different styles, the label doesn’t matter. As long as your child feels loved, supported, and safe, you’re doing exactly what they need. No approach is flawless, but showing up and being there for them is what truly makes the difference.
Related Post: What Your Parenting Patronus?
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