For the record, not all behaviors are bad. Our kids are figuring out how to navigate their world while simultaneously learning who they are and advocating for themselves. What constitutes challenging behavior is when their actions hinder their ability to learn, complete daily tasks, or engage appropriately with others. While some behaviors occur once in a blue moon, like that total meltdown at grandma’s house, it becomes a problem when it’s consistent (aggression/defiance at grandma’s house, at the store, at school, at a party, you get the idea).

In this post, we’re getting down to the bottom of these behaviors: why they’re happening, why they continue, and how we can help our children manage and reduce them. So grab your magnifying glass Watson, because we got some investigating to do.

Behaviors continue for a few reasons:

• Communicative – our kids can’t effectively express their wants or needs, resulting in emotional outbursts
• Consequences – the outcome of the action is desirable (ex: crying = getting a hug)
• Context – the environment and the people around can encourage it (ex: tantrum at the store = candy)

We know that behavior is driven by emotion and an underlying purpose, whether our kids realize this or not. So if we really want to stop these unwanted behaviors, we need to determine the reasons for it. As an OT, much of my job is to analyze situations and how a child is responding to them. Here are some strategies for finding the root cause of your kid’s actions.

Gathering Intel

Like any good investigator, data collection is key. What looks like it happens all the time might only occur just before mealtimes, or in a certain location. Keeping score of your child’s challenging behavior throughout the day can give insight into what the trigger. In this case, they might just be hangry. If there’s more than one tough behavior, prioritize which one to focus on first.

 Consider and track the following information:

• When is this behavior occurring: time of day, after a request, before an outing, etc.
• Where is it happening: home, in public spaces, in front of certain people
• Who’s around: friends, siblings, grandparents, strangers
• How frequent: once, twice, all day event
• How long/duration: a few minutes, an hour
• How intense can it get: whines and cry or throwing chairs across the room
• What’s the current strategy to handle it: ignoring the behavior, submitting to request, punishment?
• What part of the strategy works and what doesn’t: behavior stops, but a new one erupts

Data Analysis

Once you have all your information, you can start to ID the reason for the behavior, what circumstances cause it, and what factors reinforce it. One useful technique to help figure this out is the ABC approach. A-B-C stands for Antecedent-Behavior-Consequence.

• Antecedent. Also known as the trigger to the behavior. This can be anything from being told “no” to not getting enough attention. Variables to consider include: the time of day, energy level, interoception needs (hungry, sick, tired), routine changes, and context.
  
  
• Behavior.The action that is causing the disruption to the task/activity. These are your hitting/kicking, screaming/crying, or fleeing.
  
  
• Consequence. This is the result of the behavior. Depending on the outcome, the consequences may increase the behavior if the outcome is in the child’s favor (ex: hitting their sibling to get a timeout to avoid picking up their toys).

So if your child is throwing their toys across the room while yelling after you tell them it’s time for dinner, the ABC approach would look like this:

• Antecedent – child was told it was dinnertime
• Behavior – throwing toys and screaming
• Consequence – verbal reprimand (“We don’t throw things in the house”) and additional time to clean up, 15–30-minute delay to eat dinner as a family

Determining a Solution

Now that we’ve found the crux of the situation, it’s time to create a game plan to switch the problematic behavior for an appropriate one. But how?

In an ideal situation, think about the preferred action you’d like your child to take. Perhaps rather than scream and kick up a storm, you’d probably like them to use their words to express themselves.  Once you and your spouse agree on the desired outcome, decide on how to consistently tackle the behavior together. It’s important to stand as a united front as altering your kid’s go-to behavior will be a hard one to break.

One way to strategize is to look at the ABCs of the situation and figure out how to prevent the unwanted behavior, teach the new and more appropriate response, and continue to reinforce it. This method is known as the PTR approach (prevent-teach-reinforce).

Using our dinnertime scenario, the PTR approach may look like this:

• Antecedent – child was told it was dinnertime
  •  Prevent behavior by requesting toy cleanup 15 minutes before dinner;change the words up, saying “We’re about to eat soon. Let’s clean up our toys.”
• Behavior – throwing toys and screaming;
  • Teach new behavior by validating feelings (“I know you’re upset. It’s no fun to stop playing.”); offer to help clean up as the mess may be overwhelming to them
• Consequence – verbal reprimand (“We don’t throw things in the house”) and additional time to clean up, 15–30-minute delay to eat dinner as a family
  • Reinforce new behavior by giving them praise for cleaning up(“It’s so clean in here! Great job!”); next time, make it into a game of who can clean up the fastest, continue to praise their effort

Putting it into Practice

It’s not easy to change a behavior, especially if your child previously benefited from it. Here are some ways to maintain these newfound positive behaviors:

• Expand your child’s emotional vocabulary. Labeling emotions not only calms them down, but also helps them identify and understand their feelings as well as build empathy.
  
  
• Use first-then statements instead of requests. “First, put away your Legos, then we can go to the playground.”
  
  
• Redirect behaviorwith verbal cues. “Wait, think about what you want to do. Is that the best move? What can we do instead?”
  
  
• Use visual guides and cues (like a picture schedule or a clockface) for younger kids to help them stay on task and reinforce expectations.
  
  
• Break down the activity if it’s too overwhelming for your child to do. 
  
  
• Promote a growth mindset when handling failure or when they’re getting frustrated with a task.
  
  
• Try social or scripted stories to help them practice and process challenging situations, figuring out appropriate coping strategies to use for next time.
  
  
• Incorporate mindful activities (yoga, grounding techniques) when our kid’s emotions/arousal level are starting to run high.
  
  
• Utilize a reward system. Make sure the incentive is meaningful to your kid and that it changes from time to time to keep it interesting.
  
  
• Reflection of strategies. Review with your child what methods seem to be working and what doesn’t. Consider what can improve on your end (ex: clear expectations) and talk out what your child can do better (ex: taking a deep breath before reacting).
  
  
• Focus on the positive behaviors, praising your child for staying on course and making good decisions.

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