Child(ish) Reads: All Toddlers are Scorpios

When I saw this Forthcoming book listing, I thought it was the perfect way to end our Halloween posts.

All Toddlers Are Scorpios: An Astrological Guide to Your Adorable Tiny Terror by Johanna Gohmann. Blending parental exasperation with cosmic insight, Gohmann breaks down toddler personalities by zodiac sign—offering a starry-eyed (and slightly frazzled) look at the joys and mysteries of raising tiny humans. The profiles of each zodiac sign include sections dedicated to best (and worst!) toddler playdate matches; toddler’s preferred music, snacks, and toys; parent-child zodiac compatibility; and hilarious illustrations throughout from cartoonist Emily Flake. Whether you are raising a tenacious Taurus, a balanced Libra, or, yes, a hell-raising Scorpio, this is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with a tiny terror.

TBH, this isn’t an actual “book”. It’s supposed to be a quick, humorous gifty. It’s also about toddlers, so naturally all the toddlers discussed in the book are not going to be clear communicators or particularly empathetic. I can see this book as a coffee table conversation starter with people only really looking up their own kids signs, not reading the whole thing. Consequently, this is probably my shortest book review.

The book did, however, remind me of another title, The Astrology of You and Me. It goes into the strengths and weaknesses of all the signs and how they act as kids, partners, and employees, as a way to improve the relationships in your life. When Mary first got this book, we looked up our birth chart signs, our kids’ signs, and how they meshed. In that conversation, I famously said that my girls were “going to be such b**ches.”

Moral of the story: Whether you are into astrology, Hogwarts houses, factions, or enneagrams, your temperament and your kid’s temperament will clash in ways you probably don’t expect. At the very least, it’ll be a stage for disagreements and misconceptions. At worst, it could be long relationship of misunderstanding.

I saw an Instagram post that said if you were an Earth sign kid with Water sign parents (like me), you probably didn’t understand why your parents never made a big deal about anything while you took EVERYTHING seriously.

My parents definitely don’t believe in astrology, however I see the Pisces traits in them. Twenty-five years later, I can also see how those traits presented themselves in their parenting, in their patience levels, and in their priorities. And unfortunately, it does follow the ways that two polar opposite signs react to each other in a parent-child situation.

I (Virgo) and Troy (Capricorn) know that our Leo twins are not going to be a cake walk. You could also say that we are IN (introverted, intuitive) parents taking care of some very EF (extroverted, feeling) kids. So, we try to reinforce the importance of compromise, establishing a productive routine, and not needing to be in the center of everything. It wouldn’t surprise me if the girls thought that we were being unnecessary hard-asses.

The same situation can arise with parents whose kids are their exact clones. There are times of sympatico and times where you’re butting heads in a power struggle.

As adults, it is on us to smooth out this relationship simply because we know better. We need to meet our kids where they are, as they are, and not the rose-colored version of them you have in your head.

While giving your kids a personality quiz may seem extra, getting to know your kid’s temperament will allow more insight on how they handle relationships, set expectations and goals, handle stress and conflict, approach problems, organize their space, and internally motivate themselves.

Simply put, the more you come from a place of understanding, the easier it will be to navigate parenting. Notice I didn’t say “get along” or “unconditionally surrender”.

As your kids get older, you can talk to them about your personality traits and how it influences your decision-making. Hopefully, they will then start to better understand you and make connections to their own personality and temperament as well.

Unless you’re talking about toddlers. In that case, all kids are anarchists.
Happy Halloween!