Child(ish) Reads: Dopamine Kids, Pt. 2

In part 1 of my Dopamine Kids review, I said that Michaeleen Doucleff’s five-step plan is very easy to implement. She walks through each step and gradually builds the plan with each chapter. Just like a textbook, you read the material in the first section and do the direct application right after.

So for part 2, I’m sharing my family plan and how I’ve adapted the steps for A&Z.

Quick recap of the Five-Step, Four-Week plan:

Step 1: Take the Wheel – Decide on priorities for family. Create a dream list of goals and values.

Step 2: Ride the Motivational Wave – Determine high-values activities to replace shallow habits.

Step 3: Celebrate to Habituate – Reinforce the new habits with positivity and excitement. Show progress.

Step 4: Shine the Bright-Line Rule – Create clear rules around these habits and priorities (not vague).

Step 5: Curate the Cues – Get rid of bad habit cues and replace with new ones.

Chances are, as a parent, you’ve already had more than enough instances where you are fighting to seriously curb screen time or conditionally limiting certain snacks for your kids. Even if you aren’t having fights or meltdowns over these things, you’ve probably stopped to question, “Is this too much?”.

This spring, our afternoon activity schedule is much crazier. We’re balancing three sports, theatre, Girl Scouts, grandparent time, etc. While these things were usually just after school, now they are going later into the evening and we’re adjusting sleep and eating schedules again. An unexpected fringe benefit is that it complete blows out any sizeable window for personal screen time during the week. The best they can ask for is an episode of Nat Geo or Lizzie McGuire (their choice, not mine).

So for this step of the plan, I can accurately assess the pain points and those negative cues. This made the approach so much easier because we’re not talking about quitting things cold turkey 24 hours a day; this is about building on good things that are already there. As a result, you end up with a kid who isn’t expressly focused or motivated by a screen or by sugar.

Step 1: The Dream List

The Dream List is not only a list of things you want your child to do and experience, but also specific behaviors and values for you and your family to prioritize.

Doucleff gives the example of wanting her daughter Rosie to spend more time outside. Specifically, Rosie wants to learn how to get to the park by herself, or bike to a friend’s house by herself. So Doucleff starts Rosie off with small chunks of time bike riding together or just around the neighborhood. Once Rosie builds this confidence and responsibility, then she can start venturing further and for longer periods of time, reasonably. This fulfills both goals in getting Rosie outside and building her autonomy and capability.

So now when Rosie gets home, if she asks to watch a show on the iPad, Doucleff can say “how about we bike ride to the park instead since it’s a nice day?”. It’s not a drag-out fight because Rosie already likes biking; she’s replacing a bad habit with something more high-value that aligns with the family goal of spending time outside.

For my household, I put together a short list of things I’d like us to start doing, not only to cultivate new activities but food habits as well. They are things we’ve done sporadically in the past but I’d like to incorporate them more into our daily structure.

Taking a walk with the dog after dinner
Replace snacks with whole foods
Build out time windows for homework, reading, and straightening up
Make gaming more social, not mindless
Start a hobby we can do together

Part of this step is to get your kids involved in the plan as well. I told A&Z that this summer, after school is out and our daily schedules change again, we could rework our days and start a new project. Here’s what they came up with:

Start composting
Learn how to crochet
Redecorate their rooms
Art Journaling

Not gonna lie. I was a bit surprised but none of these are that far out of left field.

Step 2: Ride the Motivational Wave

So now that we have our brainstormed goals, the girls already have buy-in. They WANT to do this and are excited to start. So, match energy.

Although I said that this was going to start in the summer, I can start gradually building those into our schedule now. When the girls get back from school, instead of telling them to pick out a snack from the pantry, I get out cut veggies, a bowl of fruit, some cut up cheese. I make a mini fruit and veggie board and they go to town. I don’t have to keep vetoing all the packaged snacks or sweets. They don’t ask about chips, and they can compost the veggie and fruit scraps.

To avoid the processed foods guilt, I made our own kid-approved ranch dip and tzatziki since I already had all the ingredients. One of the tips Doucleff gives for avoiding ultraprocessed food is looking at the ingredients list and seeing if you could make that same thing using just the ingredients in your pantry. This pretty much eliminates with preservatives, food dyes or modified flavors.

Am I wholly shopping organic? No.
Have we always been an ingredients household? Yes.
Do they still get processed food? Yes, from snacks at soccer games to buying school lunch to eating out during our back-to-back activities.

The process is gradual, so I’m slowly using up all the processed products and pairing them with something whole, like a piece of fruit. When the processed stuff runs out, they’ll be replaced with better options. Plus, the more whole fruits and vegetables they get served, the more they are happy eat them and less likely to go for something packaged. They’ve already cut out granola bars and Bel Vita. It was a very Jackie Warner/Sky Gym move.

Step 3: Celebrate Good Habits and Progress

This is the fun part. In the small windows of time when we’re between Point A and Point B, Troy and I have been asking the girls to help out or complete tasks along the lines of the dream plan.

After our afternoon snack, we implemented 20 minutes of homework time. The girls don’t have homework assignments, but they have workbooks or we can print worksheets. They can read on the couch during that time and then recap what they read. All on paper, no screens.

I’ve also asked them to walk the park trail with me while their sister is at her activity. I’ve asked for help clearing flower beds outside and assistance making dinner. Sometimes they’ll even ask for a short nap because the week has been crazy, which is an awareness I haven’t seen before with them.

To reward them for their help and progress, we’re taking them to the garden store this weekend to pick out their composter and plants for their room. Over spring break, there are a couple stationery stores I want to visit and we’ve said they could use their gift money to buy their new art journals and any supplies they want. In free time, Z has asked if we could go on TikTok to see art journaling videos for ideas, which I am happy to oblige.

The girls are allowed to play Minecraft on the weekends for one hour at a time. Since they are in closed wi-fi, they have a house that they are building together. We also have gamer friends with a private server for their kids, so A&Z have Minecraft dates every couple weeks. Troy sets up an old Chromebook with video and a speaker, and it’s like a mini LAN party.

We’re happy to do these things because they add so much more value and the girls get so much more excitement and accomplishment from it versus sitting and bingeing Netflix. Again, we’re not quitting things cold turkey, just creating more responsible habits around them.

Steps 4 and 5: Rules and Red flags

I’m combining these since I’m once again at my word limit, and I went over killing bad cues on Tuesday. These two steps create the structure around your dream plan; the do’s and don’ts.

Here are some rules I’ve come up with so far:

If you are going to bring a packaged snack to school, pair it with protein. Seaweed snacks are big in our house but they don’t really give you much. So the girls can bring cheese, jerky, or apples and peanut butter with it.
On the weekends, there is one hour of reading or journaling before asking for screentime.
Family movie night is a free space.
Sweets and desserts are post-meal only and in moderation. (We have so many Girl Scout cookies left…). If we are at a restaurant, we will split a dessert together.

These are in addition to our existing guidelines of:

Only 1 hour of screentime per day (if at all). This includes the TV, iPad and Nintendo.
If in the car or on a plane, alternate between the screen and something else (art/audiobook/nap).
They are in charge of the Nintendo. So if they forget to charge it, or bring the game cartridge, tough.

Sticking to your bright-line rule makes it so there is no grey area for your kid to exploit. These rules and hiding of cues also make it easier for parents to stick to the rules themselves. For me, that has translated into eating more fiber, being more particular around grocery shopping, and being more mindful on my phone. I am much more aware of ads/sponsored posts/repeat videos and it’s such a turnoff.

I know I’ve been jumping back and forth between the whole foods and the screen rules, so I apologize if it’s a bit scattered. The book blends them with a bit more intention, but they each have ample time and attention on their own.

I love that I can already see the dopamine magnets losing their pull. We’re only in week 2 of the plan, but it’s helped inform a lot of our plans for the end of the year and moving into summer. Fingers crossed this will play a big role in deterring summer slide as well.

As a parent, seeing your kids get into these fun hobbies and letting them nerd out is so cool. To be able to replace the brain rot with something creative and productive is even better. This may take a bit of brainstorming and introducing them to new things, but if you want kids to learn “how to be bored” you have to give them some options to explore.

I hope you’ve already got this book in your shopping cart. Doucleff gives so many more examples of high-value activities, bright-line rules and whole food replacements that can align with many families’ goals. I’m excited to see where it will take us.