What I Wish I Knew as a New Mom

Hindsight is 20/20 and getting nostalgic about how life was when our kids were babies, made me think about what I wish I knew as a newborn mother.

EVERYTHING Changes (and will continue to do so)

Motherhood brings change on all fronts. You’ve brought a new life into the world, and that tiny human depends on you for survival, guidance, and love. It’s a full-time job in every sense. What I didn’t fully grasp was just how much my world would shift once I had a little one in tow. When I say everything changes after having a baby, I truly mean EVERYTHING:

Brain adaptations – a mother’s brain undergoes structural changes to enhance sensitivity to her baby’s needs, strengthening the maternal bond
Hormonal shifts – affecting mood and emotions, giving rise to postpartum depression and mom rage
Physical changes – wider hips, changes in boob shape and size (the same with feet) extra pounds post-pregnancy, stretch marks, the FUPA; all this resulting in an entirely new wardrobe because nothing fits
Relationship transitions – friendships transition as priorities shift; impromptu hangouts at the bar must now be scheduled at least 48 hours in advance (and even that is subject to change)
Identity redefined – career ambitions, personal goals, even a social life, are all being re-evaluated in a new lens

Motherhood didn’t come easily for me. My postpartum experience was rough; and on top of that, I found myself in the middle of a serious identity crisis. My career had always been a defining part of who I was and what I was working toward. Suddenly stepping away to care for my son (born prematurely at 29 weeks) left me feeling untethered.

To make things more challenging, my husband and I were one of the first couples in our circle to have a child, which meant our friends didn’t fully relate to what we were going through. The isolation was real. And then, as if the emotional weight wasn’t enough, I had to adjust to a body that felt foreign to me.

There is a bright side to all this. Once I addressed my postpartum struggles, I was able to connect and bond with my son, which made the journey of parenting feel somewhat more natural. I learned to accept and adapt to the changes occurring, whether that meant navigating his sleep regressions or stepping into the role of a stay-at-home mom for the time being. Even something as simple as updating my wardrobe helped ease some of my physical insecurities. When it came to being a mother, I was learning to take it all in stride.

Judging from my catalog of posts, I don’t handle change well. So stepping into motherhood felt like being thrown into the deep end, forcing me to adjust whether I was ready or not. But that’s the essence of parenting: learning to adapt, embracing the unexpected, and rolling with the punches as your child grows and reaches new milestones.

Everyone Has an Opinion (but you don’t have to take it)

Once your baby arrives, it feels like everyone suddenly has advice to share, whether you asked for it or not. Parents, in-laws, extended family, close friends, and even strangers start offering their hot take on parenting. While most of it comes from good intentions, the sheer volume can be overwhelming. Even more challenging, it can shake your confidence and make you question the insight you’ve been building about your baby.

People dish out parenting advice for all sorts of reasons: their interpretation of the “it takes a village”, a need to validate their own parenting choices, or simply an eagerness to share their knowledge and do something nice. But just because they offer it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to take any of it, especially if it doesn’t align with your values, instincts, or what works best for your family.

I can’t tell you how many suggestions and critiques I received when it came to things like sleep training, teething, or handling a fussy baby. Don’t get me wrong, some were incredibly useful. Learning the proper way to carry an infant car seat, using gripe water to ease gas pain, and trying the KidsDoc app to assess baby health concerns were some of the gems that made a real difference. The key is knowing when to listen, when to politely brush it off, and when to trust your own judgment. While that may be easy for some parents to do, it can be tricky for others. If you fall into the latter, some tactics I used included:

The smile and nod – maybe even a “Thanks for sharing” or “I’ll keep that in mind” to acknowledge the comment without committing
Boundary setting – statements like “Appreciate the suggestion, but we’ve got it handled,” or “We’re trying this method out right now and we’ll see how it goes,” for those that frequently offer unwanted advice
Direct conversation – for those who are persistent and vocal regarding their advice, a private discussion about respecting your parenting choices may be needed
Putting someone on pause – the break glass solution when all else fails; handle them later when you’re mentally and emotionally in a better place

Remember that no one knows your child better than you. You get to decide what advice to take and what to leave behind.

Maternal Instinct is a Construct (so give yourself grace)

There’s a common assumption that moms should instinctively know how to care for their baby; that “maternal instinct” gives them an automatic understanding of motherhood. But the truth? Total myth.

The ability to recognize and respond to a baby’s needs doesn’t come from some innate knowledge—it comes from deep love and hours spent closely learning their cues. And this bond isn’t exclusive to mothers. Parents, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, develop caregiving skills through experience, practice, and patience.

All of this is to say that you don’t have to master motherhood from day one. Every parent has a learning curve and giving yourself grace when things don’t go as planned is essential. I assumed my professional background would give me a head start, that I’d have this whole parenting thing figured out right away. But that wasn’t the case. While I had the knowledge of child development, actually applying it in real life was an entirely different challenge.

No Two Kids are Alike (so reframe your expectations)

If you think your first born was a dream, don’t have another kid. I jest, but every baby is unique. For instance, my son was a great eater and a decent sleeper, but soothing him was a challenge. My twin girls were the exact opposite. Whatever worked for him did not work for them. It was a whole new ball game, from their preferences to their eat/sleep schedules.

The same applies when swapping parenting advice with other moms. What works for one baby might not work for another. While following a set blueprint may seem easier, the best approach is getting to know your little one and discovering what works best for them.

Parenting is an Enigma (so just go with it)

No handbook, no universal formula—just a blend of instinct, trial and error, and a lot of love. Each child is different, and every stage presents new challenges, so just when parents think they have things figured out, life throws them a curveball. It’s a mix of science, emotion, and pure unpredictability. So take a deep breath, strap in, and embrace the journey.