Repeat After Me: Kids and Modeling Language

Kids are like little sponges and they absorb knowledge through observation, exploration, and experience. Learning to communicate and socialize appropriately is no different. From quoting movie lines, repeating encouraging phrases, or even calling us “Bruh”, they soak in everything they hear and try to apply it in everyday conversation whether they fully understand it or not. While their process trial and error can be amusing, it raises the question of how their models (primarily us) can shape their lives, their friendships, attitudes, identities, and their self-esteem and confidence.

Hearing Echoes

Children naturally mimic phrases and sentences as part of their language development, especially as toddlers. Echolalia is the repetition of words, phrases, or sentences they’ve heard, either immediately or at a later time. While this parroting can be amusing (or annoying), this simple mimicry aids in their learning of language. Each time they pick up a new phrase, they start to recognize and replicate its emotional tones. Saying it on repeat allows them to practice sounds, rhythms, and sentence structures. As kids become more proficient, they transition from repeating entire phrases to combining words and phrases and form their own sentences; even adapting expressions to fit different social situations. This eventually leads to more creative and spontaneous language use, allowing children to express their thoughts and ideas more freely.

Under the Influence

Kids often want to emulate the people they admire—parents, teachers, older siblings, or even characters from TV shows or books. Kids will repeat phrases and catchphrases to connect with their peers, feel like they belong, and express themselves in a way that resonates with their group. Remember memorizing The Little Mermaid in Kindergarten and then having a sing-along when they show the movie in class?

On the other hand, they may say inappropriate words for shock value. Children copying language they hear helps them understand cultural norms, idiomatic expressions, and communication styles, all of which contribute to shaping their identity within their community.

Kids pick up sayings and phrases in several places. These include:

Peers. While adults model formal language, peers contribute to a child’s language development by broadening their linguistic repertoire with casual speech patterns, idioms, and regional expressions. By emulating their peers’ way of speaking, children gain a sense of belonging and adapt to social norms. Group activities and conversations foster language growth, refine conversational skills, and provide opportunities to practice listening, responding, and understanding context. Disagreements teach children to use persuasive language, clarify misunderstandings, and navigate emotions.

Media. Media greatly influences children’s language, shaping their vocabulary, expressions, and communication styles (for better or worse). Children often mimic catchphrases from favorite characters, adding humor and identity to conversations. Social media introduces slang, trending words, and memes, becoming part of everyday language (that rizz). Songs, online gaming, and stories contribute unique phrases, enriching their linguistic repertoire. Ads and celebrities also shape speech patterns.

Parents. We are the first and most influential role models in our kids’ lives. They gain language, behavior, and social cues by watching how we engage with others and handle various situations. When they use our language in their conversations with friends, it reflects how they learn and internalize communication patterns. For instance, if we utilize phrases like, “Let’s talk it out”, “Do you need a minute?”, or “Take a breath,” they might repeat them when resolving conflicts with peers or managing emotions. Patti once caught her kid saying that her sister was being an “all-up-ons.” Yes, parents using obscure pop culture quotes also counts.

Deep Impact

What parents say has a significant impact on children’s social development. As the first examples of social interactions, our language—whether positive, encouraging, or critical—shapes how children perceive themselves and others. For example, language we use to reflect kindness and understanding encourages kids to develop empathy. Since children often internalize and mimic what they hear, the way parents communicate sets the tone for how kids interact with the world socially. Our words can have profound and lasting effects, laying the foundation for our kids’ emotional resilience and outlook on life. This includes:

Building Self-Worth. Phrases like “I’m proud of you” or “You can do it” boost a child’s self-esteem, confidence, and sense of value.
Shaping Inner Dialogue. Kids often absorb and internalize the language they hear, becoming their inner voice. Positive and encouraging words can build resilience while critical or negative remarks may raise self-doubt and insecurity. This harkens back to praising your child’s effort and work ethic versus just saying “You’re so smart.”
Modeling Communication. How we speak teaches our kids how to express themselves and interact with others.
Creating a Safe Space. Words of understanding and empathy, like “I hear you” or “It’s okay to feel that way,” reassure our kids that their emotions are valid and that we can be trusted.
Fueling Curiosity and Growth. Encouraging phrases like “Let’s figure this out together” or “That’s a great question!” nurture a child’s curiosity and love for learning.

The phrases and expressions our kids pick up from us can impact how they engage with peers.

Social Skills. Encouraging phrases and kind words we tell our kids can help them build positive relationships with their peers. Compliments and supportive language can make others feel valued and appreciated. Conversely, picking up negative or hurtful phrases can damage their friendships. Insults, teasing, or derogatory language can lead to conflicts and social isolation.

Aeris and Zelda got really confused at family game night when Patti and Troy were smack-talking to each other. They had to explain that they weren’t actually fighting, just teasing each other during the game. If the twins tried to replicate this with their friends, you can see how that might not land the same way.
Identity and Self-Expression. What we tell our children use can influence their developing identities and personalities. Children who confidently express themselves through language are often better at forming and maintaining friendships. In addition, kids that can understand and convey their feelings are more empathetic to other people.
Conflict Resolution and Empathy. Learning phrases that promote conflict resolution and empathy, such as “I’m sorry” or “Let’s talk about it,” can help children navigate disagreements and maintain healthy relationships. Using language that shows understanding and empathy can strengthen friendships and create a supportive peer environment. This also counts for tone, pacing, body language (which we’ll get into next week).
Communication Styles. Children who pick up assertive communication styles are likely to express their needs and boundaries effectively, leading to healthier peer relationships. Adopting passive or aggressive communication styles can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, affecting the quality of peer interactions. We’ve all experienced how that flies in a professional environment as well.

Pick-Up Lines

Kids will say the darndest things, picking up lines that they’ve heard somewhere and trying it out during social interactions. Whether it’s appropriate to the conversation is another story. For instance, my son kept telling his hairdresser “Just slide into my DMs” when telling her about Pokémon, while my twin girls will say expressions like, “What? That’s weird”, “Bruh, really?” or “What the HECK?!” when conversing at the dinner table. While we can’t shield every slang or catchphrase they hear, we can certainly help them use it to develop strong, healthy, and meaningful connections with their peers. Here’s how:

Hear something, say something. Pay attention to the language used by your children and their peers and be open to discussing it with them.
Model comms. Use clear and appropriate language and encourage your kids to do the same.
“Say what?!”. If you don’t understand a saying or phrase, ask your kids what it means, and learn about their language.
Make “fetch” happen. Allow your kids to experiment with language and express themselves creatively, even if they are using new or unusual phrases.
We listen and we don’t judge. Don’t force your opinion on your kids about the phrases they use. Instead, show interest in what they’re saying and why.
“Make good choices!”. Encourage your kids to take initiative and responsibility for their words, actions, and choices.

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Source:
Becker, S. (2025, February 27). Social and Emotional Development: Therapeutic Intervention for Children Birth through Adolescence. Retrieved from Seminar.