Course Notes: Social and Emotional Development, Pt. 1

Being an OT-forward blog, we’ve written a lot about motor and cognitive development, but what about the social and emotional?

My most recent course focused on just that: Social and Emotional Development – Therapeutic Interventions for Children, Birth Through Adolescence. From that seminar, we think it would be helpful for many parents to understand how social and emotional development builds as our kids get older, similar to all those Development Milestones we watch so closely.

Social and emotional development refers to a child’s ability to understand who they are, what they are feeling, and how to navigate social interactions. These skills are essential for forming and maintaining positive relationships, expressing and managing emotions, and effectively exploring and engaging with their surroundings and other people.

Social and emotional development begins at birth and has a huge influence on all aspects of daily life, such as:

Social participation – developing relationships with others, resolving conflicts, resisting inappropriate peer pressure
Activities of daily living (ADLs) – understanding social expectations when eating, recognizing appropriate attire for specific events, using good judgment in personal care and safety
Education – participating in social groups, responding appropriately to criticism and feedback, maintaining academic performance despite frustrations
Play and leisure – cooperate during play, regulating emotions during competitive games, developing relationships with mutual interests

The development of social and emotional skills shapes a child’s self-confidence, empathy, capacity to establish deep and lasting friendships and relationships, and their sense of significance and worth to those around them.

Theoretical Ties

Our understanding of social and emotional development is largely influenced by the work of psychologist Erik Erikson. His theory outlines how social interactions and relationships impact personality and growth throughout the entire lifespan. For the sake of this post, we’re only covering up to adolescence.

Each stage in Erikson’s theory is centered around the principle that each growth stage builds on the previous one, paving the way for future development. At each phase, people face a conflict that acts as a turning point with high potential for both growth and failure. Successfully resolving these conflicts lead to psychological strengths, while failure to resolve them can hinder the development of a strong sense of self.

Interestingly, each stage of Erikson’s theory aligns with the social and emotional milestones typical for that age group.

Infants: Trust vs. Mistrust

Since an infant is completely reliant on their parents for survival, trust is formed based on the caregivers’ dependability consistency, care, and affection. Without this, mistrust will develop.

Babies are hardwired to attach and bond with their parents. To strengthen this connection and ensure that someone will come to their rescue, babies perform these milestones:

2 months
- Reflexive smiling and visually exploring faces
- Attempts to self-soothe by sucking on hands/fingers
4 months
- Interactive smiling, sometimes with coos
- Awareness of surroundings via observation and anticipation of actions
- Early imitation
6 months
- Responds to emotions of familiar adults through mimicry (if you’re happy, they’re happy; if you cry, they cry)
- Differentiates between strangers and familiar faces
9 months
- May cry when caregivers leave the room; shows stranger anxiety
- Displays preferences for certain activities, environments, objects, etc.
12 months
- Develops favoritism among familiar individuals
- Shows fear in new/unfamiliar situations
- Engages in simple games; imitates sounds and actions of others

Since no parent is perfect (though we strive to be), mistrust can occur, which helps pave the way for developing a sense of hope. Balancing trust and mistrust teaches the infant that despite occasional moments of discomfort or distress, they can rely on their caregiver for support.

Toddlers: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt

Why do the “Terrible Twos” suck? Because this stage is all about kids developing a greater sense of control. Toddlers will start to complete basic actions on their own and make simple decisions regarding their preferences. They are gaining autonomy over their body, which can make mealtimes and toilet training the WORST for parents. Social and emotional milestones in this age range reflect their exploration of self and their want for autonomy.

18 months – 2 years
- Frequent tantrums to communicate wants and dismays
- Asserting independence, “I do it.”
- Simple pretend play, usually modeled after observations
- Parallel play (awareness of peers playing, but no interaction)
- Limited understanding of others’ feelings and emotions

The checks and balances between independence, failure, and “no, you can’t do that” can cultivate the concept of will, which involves acting with intention within reasonable limits. Children who navigate this stage successfully develop a sense of security and confidence in their abilities, while those who struggle may experience feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

Early Childhood: Initiative vs. Guilt

During early childhood, kids start to assert their power and control of their environment through guided play and social interactions. Their curiosity leads them to ask questions, test their abilities, and push boundaries. When provided with these opportunities, children develop a sense of initiative and gain confidence in their ability to lead and make decisions.

3-4 years
- Expresses a wider range of emotions (frustration, excitement, fear), but has trouble naming them
- Tantrums related to changes in routine or unexpected outcomes
- Confuses reality with make-believe, explaining both situations in detail
- Cooperative play (engaging in activities that require teamwork, sharing, and following rules)
- Easier separation from parents/caregivers
- Attempts to work on simple conflicts with peers, like trading a toy for a preferred one

5-6 years
- Sensitive to other children’s feelings
- Aware of and can follow rules
- May prefer to play with same-sex peers
- Tests boundaries
- Understands the difference between reality and pretend
- Understands embarrassment

When kids succeed at this stage, they develop a sense of competence and leadership that leads a sense of purpose. Conversely, those who struggle with these skills may experience feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and lack of initiative. It’s important to note that a certain amount of guilt is necessary. Maintaining a balance between initiative and guilt at this stage helps children grasp that it’s okay to take charge and make their own decisions, while also understanding that there are times when they need to adhere to rules or guidelines set by others.

Late Childhood: Industry vs. Inferiority

Peer pressure is real at this stage. Kids start to take pride in their achievements and abilities as they face new social and academic challenges. Many of their important relationships are with friends and schoolmates outside of the family, making their ability to navigate peer interactions a key milestone in their development.

7-8 years
- Aware of the perception of others; may complain about the reactions of peers
- Tries to fit in
- Expands their emotional vocabulary
- Develops friendships
- Has a desire to behave appropriately, but is less attentive to directions
- May resort to aggression and tantrums when upset

9-10 years
- Aware of rules and may become bossy about them
- Uses problem solving skills with peers; learning to compromise and negotiate
- Narrows their peer group to close friends
- Starts to withdrawal from family and develop their own identity
- May abruptly change emotional state

Kids who receive encouragement and praise from parents and teachers develop a sense of competence (industry) and confidence in their abilities. On the other hand, those who lack support may doubt their skills and struggle to reach their potential. However, experiencing failure can humble them. Striking a balance between industry and inferiority helps children recognize their abilities and understand that they can work toward and achieve their goals, even when they face obstacles. Seeing a pattern now?

Adolescence: Identity vs. Role Confusion

Oh, the teen years. This tumultuous phase plays a critical role in forming a personal identity that will impact behavior and development throughout one’s life. Identity encompasses the beliefs, ideals, and values that shape and direct a person’s actions. It’s influenced by our experiences and interactions with others. Social and emotional milestones in this age range showcase this:

11-15 years
- Mood and emotions are impacted by hormones (impulsive, moody)
- Develops leadership skills
- Increases logical thinking, like how the world works
- Starts to handle emotions independently (fear, frustration, rejection, etc).
- Seeks more privacy
- Can understand the consequences of their actions
- Resolves peer conflicts
16-18 years
- Strives for independence
- Emotionally distances from parents
- Start to look at how they can positively impact the world
- Takes pride in success
- Prefers to spend a lot of time with friends

Teens who receive appropriate encouragement and support through personal exploration will emerge from this stage with a strong sense of identity and feelings of independence and control. Alternatively, those who remain uncertain about their beliefs and desires may feel insecure and confused about themselves and their future.

Now What?

From this extensive timeline, you can see how social and emotional development are not about keeping our kids happy all the time. In each stage, kids are striking a balance in order to figure things out on their own, creating teachable moments and turning points.

Though it might seem straightforward (babies cry, toddlers tantrum, teens are dramatic), it’s important to recognize what’s typical behavior and what happens when the balance is off. This understanding allows us to better guide our children’s emotions and improve their social skills.

How do we do that? Stay tuned for part 2.

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