Last year around the holidays, a ton of people went to TikTok to complain about one thing: teen girls at Sephora.
Either they were being super rude to other customers, or were snatching products that were not appropriate for their age group, or were messing up displays and complaining to staff; it was total judgement day.
While I definitely believe bad behavior should be called out, I don’t like that this narrative somehow morphed into “Millennials need to be better parents to these feral, disrespectful mean girls.”
Let’s Reframe This
First, their parents aren’t necessarily Millennials. Generation Alpha (kids born between 2010-2024) could have Gen X, Millennial, or even super early Gen Z parents. In our own kids’ elementary classroom, we’re seeing a huge age range of parents. There is also a bigger diversity when it comes to bigger families, families with singletons, blended families, or families waiting longer to have kids. So let’s not make blanket statements.
Second, kids are always going to have a bad rep with adults. Looking back, each generation complains to about “kids nowadays”. The older we get, the more our brains lose elasticity and we get stuck in our ways. It’s harder for us not only to understand trends in society and popular culture, but we become less empathetic and even dismissive to it. I liken it to when you get a veteran teacher nearing retirement age. They are less likely to change up their lesson plans or adopt newer instructional technology because they are firmly in their routine. You also hear a lot more gripes about “how these kids are so lazy”. It’s verbatim to what the Silent Generation (our grandparents) were saying about us… If you want to go even further back, Aristotle and Socrates famously complained about young people who came after them. It’s nothing new. It just means you’re getting old.
Where I think this generational lens goes sideways is the concept of extended adolescence; something Mary and I have talked at length about. Adolescence was generally thought to be the period between the ages of 12-18. Now because of social media, the economy and updated brain development research, early adolescence now starts at age 10 with late adolescence ending around 24.
So we have younger kids trying to be more like teenagers, and young adults taking longer to become fully developed physically, emotionally, and mentally.
One of the books I’ve marked for Child(ish) Reads is on modern puberty and it’s suggested that I start reading it when my kids are around 8-9. That’s only like two years away?!?!?! This paired with the trend of girls getting their periods earlier and earlier, makes me think that we’re all hopelessly behind and the general public really has no idea of what exactly is “normal”.
Would I be embarrassed AF if some TikToker took to the platform to complain about my kid? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I’m trying to raise a good human; not trying to satisfy strangers on the Internet who may or may not understand this context.
Let’s not cancel or blame an entire generation. Especially when every generation had their own mean girl moments.
Back to the actual problem
Now that we can think somewhat objectively, it isn’t completely wrong. Kids are going to start snapping back to adults in their elementary years. This is usually the time where their friends are bringing new things and slang to the table and kids want to keep up. They are pushing boundaries earlier than what we may be comfortable with. This year, both Mary and my kids started calling us “bro”. We’ve also gotten a “bruh”, a “dude” and an “aye yo”.
Back to the TikTok landscape, we have parents sharing that their tween kids are asking for Stanley cups, lululemon, and Drunk Elephant; all crazy expensive products that make absolutely no sense for a body that is still growing and developing. If we’re making it about finances, there is no way to girl math the cost per use of this exchange. Do I think my girls will start asking for this stuff in a few years? Too late. Z has already asked for Uggs for Christmas.
As a parent, this pre-tween behavior or lifestyle is disconcerting but it doesn’t give me reason to think my kids are being intentionally disrespectful, entitled, or unappreciative. They are trying it for size, so to speak. So then it becomes up to me to either normalize or correct this behavior, depending on my personal boundaries, which are also tricky to nail down.
I find myself going into the whole “when I was your age” or “my mom would’ve never”, which I hate reverting to. Sometimes I wonder if I’m socially helicoptering my girls. I am very style-conscious with their wardrobe. I do help them coordinate outfits so that they don’t have to deal with the weird windbreaker pants/Christmas sweater/dress shoes combo I wore way too frequently in 3rd grade. I started them in sports and clubs earlier than I did. I have them traveling more than I did. At the end of the day, if I can help them feel genuine belonging and acceptance in their friend group, then I will. We all want our kids to do well and the eventual goal is that they will be in a much better place because they have our knowledge and experience to stand on.
However, I have to draw the line based on their age and maturity, not mine. This means that we have to be realistic about shifting our perspective without losing sight of our true values. It is a swinging target. And if you haven’t had a discussion with your family about true values, now is the time.
Moral of the Story: If we are seriously concerned that our kids are going to turn into snotty teenagers, NOW is the time to start building the positive framework. This has nothing to do with being Cool Mom or being your kid’s best friend so they don’t turn on you. Acceptance and belonging start at home. Manners and consideration start at home. Confidence and work ethic start at home. They do not cost anything, and most importantly, they are modeled by you.
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