“I’m sorry, but you need to make mom friends.”

Yes, that blunt statement came right out of my MIL’s mouth following the birth of my son. As abrupt as it was, I understood what she meant. At the time, my husband and I were one of the first in our friend group to have a child.

While friendships are generally an important aspect to our overall well-being (they are one of the most important things in fighting PPD), mom friends are truly unique. Friends with children similar in age to yours are easy to relate to. They can exchange suggestions without criticism or judgment, and support one another while navigating parenthood. As more of my friends became parents, the hardships and blessings also became much more relatable. We would have playdates, hang out, talk about the new ways of living, and do it all again another time.

But as my son got older, he made his own friendships and would frequently ask for playdates. While he had no problems hanging out with my friend’s kids, he preferred the company of his schoolmates. Who could blame him?

Truth be told, getting to know his friends’ parents is very much like dating. While our kids are having the best time playing on the playground, we’re trying to see if there’s any “friend chem” between us. If not, it becomes an awkward two hours of pleasantries, glancing at our watches, and scrolling through social media. While I know I don’t need to make the effort to be these person’s friend, it’s nice to find someone new that I could talk to. If that happens, then there’s more of a chance to schedule another playdate with them (everybody wins).

Growing up, the time I spent with my friends outside of school was limited, mainly because my parents didn’t seem to trust anyone outside of their own circle. I don’t want that for my kids, so awkward play-dating it is.

After several playdate meetups, I started to realize that I was searching for a connection in this new phase of parenting as well. The time I had spent with my group of mom friends reduced due to conflicts in our packed schedules, changes in family priorities, or they moved away. I’ve also been put in considerably more parent circles lately with my twin daughters. I’d see their classmates’ parents at school or public events, but feel like a total wallflower because I didn’t really know anyone (and to be fair, they didn’t know me either). I guess making new mom friends was just inevitable.

So, I started putting myself out there: Be part of a school committee? Sure! Sign up to be a classroom volunteer? Yeah! Gonna be the baseball game Friday? You betcha! This took away the discomfort I felt in the playdate scene and allowed me to get to know parents while doing something meaningful for my kids. If the vibes didn’t match up, it was fine because there was something else to focus on.

Fast forward to now. I feel like I’ve hit my stride when it comes to making introductions and developing new mom friendships. I’ve bonded with parents at my son’s school and so far, it’s been great. While our kids get to spend time with each other at the pool, the playground, or at baseball, we get to be social and have a good time as well. Although these friendships might have started out of convenience, it’s nice that we share experiences and interests on various levels.

Having this support has been especially at the forefront due to redistricting in our school zone. Although other friends have shown sympathy and provided a rational perspective, it’s truly challenging to convey the intense emotions and constant thoughts to someone not in the same predicament. Despite feeling isolated personally, it’s comforting to know that the friends I’ve recently made are all in the same boat.

Mom friends don’t have to be your best friends, but they are so special to have. They become part of the village you hear people talk about when raising kids. They understand the best and worst experiences of child-rearing, allowing us to feel validated and seen. And while it may be weird to make friends as an adult, you’ll find that many other moms are looking for that same connection too.

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