If you saw Inside Out 2 over the summer, then you know that Anxiety is the main antagonist but not necessarily the villain. The film does a great job explaining this complex emotion and why it has a notable presence in our kids today. Being former gifted kids, we’ve definitely felt academic anxiety in high school; but is this really occurring for our elementary kids?

Fears and worry are typical for kids as they grow and experience the world, especially when it comes to school. A 2023 survey reported that 86% of school-aged children worry, mostly on a regular basis (once a week or more), with majority of their concerns (64%) being school-related.

Although the term anxiety has become a catch-all for any emotion related to apprehension or unease, it’s helpful to know the variations and their differences:

• Nervousness: uncertainty around an unfamiliar or challenging situation; diminishes once the trigger is removed or when a new skill is learned to handle it (like studying for a test or rehearsing a dance routine before a performance).
  
  
• Worry: expectations of a negative outcome (from realistic to outlandish), prompting us to prepare and plan for such scenarios. An example of this would be first-time parents taking their new baby out ANYWHERE. They pack EVERYTHING just to be prepared for ANYTHING.
  
  
• Anxiety: comprised of both nervousness and worry; a condition of over-responding to a fear or worry, interpreting predictions as facts and exaggerating unknowns. This results in feelings of overwhelm and can produce a physical response based on negative thoughts, affecting memory, executive functions, and self-esteem.

Regardless of the type of anxiety, it can still make school difficult. For instance, your kid may have a tough time during school pick-up because they are worried that they might be forgotten. They might struggle to participate in class or socialize with peers because they are extremely self-conscious about looking dumb. They may be excessively concerned about their academic performance, stressing themselves out to be the best in class to make us proud of them (even though we already are).

“Problem Child”

Anxiety can be hard to pinpoint since kids may not know exactly what they’re feeling or how to label and express it. Problems arise when signs of anxiety can look similar to other conditions, like ADHD, learning disorders, or behavioral issues. Something small, like worry or fear, could be interpreted incorrectly as a much bigger red flag.  Have you ever seen your kid do any these?

• School refusal, such as not wanting to wake up early or get dressed for school
• Disruptive behavior, like tantrums, repetitive and frequent questions, constant fidgeting, arguing, or lashing out at classmates and teachers
• Inattention and difficulty focusing in class
• Trouble answering questions in class, even if they know the correct response
• Frequent trips to the nurse’s office, because they complain of headaches, nausea, stomachaches, chest pains, trouble breathing, vomiting etc.
• Difficulties in certain subjects if it’s not easy for them
• Not turning in homework because it’s not good enough or they are scared of a bad grade
• Avoids socializing with classmates/peers for fear of being judged
• Trouble sleeping and/or nightmares because they are worried about the next school day

While school can be daunting for many kids at the start of the academic year, the initial fears and worries tend to fade away as they get used to their teacher, classmates, and adjusted daily routine. But why is that transition easier for some and harder for others?

While babies are involuntarily programmed to respond to perceived threats for survival purposes, kids don’t develop anxiety until 2-3 years of age when they gain the capacity to imagine and think of future outcomes. Some children are more prone to anxiety if they exhibit a temperament trait called behavioral inhibition. Coined by American psychologist Jerome Kagan, it refers to highly sensitive children who are more cautious of their surroundings and become easily distressed to new and unfamiliar experiences because their amygdala (emotional HQ) is in overdrive.

Emotional Hijack

Anxiety runs on two circuits in the brain: fear and worry.

Fear is triggered when we’re faced with danger. Bear chase, pop quiz…it’s all the same. Without cognitive, logical thought, the amygdala sounds the alarm in seven different regions in the brain to shift our focus from whatever we’re doing to the instant immediate threat. That flight-fight-fright response doesn’t subside until our higher-level functions in the frontal lobes determine that we are out of harm’s way.

Worry, on the other hand, involves our executive functions in the prefrontal cortex to anticipate and interpret events; hence, why we conjure up “what if” scenarios. When operating efficiently, it helps us determine what is important to pay attention to and tells the rest of the brain what to do about it.

While these two neural pathways keep us safe and help us effectively plan for situations, the amygdala in anxious kids distorts these communications, resulting anywhere from negative thoughts to full-blown panic attacks.

A 2020 study found that the amygdala in anxious 10–11-year-old children sends much stronger fear signals in the brain than their peers. This means that no matter how much their neural reasoning centers try to make sense of a situation, the fear response is too great. Additionally, research conducted in 2021 noted that anxious children ages 4-7 years have a higher-than-normal startle response in neutral situations where no threats are present but have a typical response in scary situations; ergo, these kids operate at a 10 all the time.

These findings support the idea that excessive anxiety tends to amplify the emotional signals from the amygdala, allowing kids to become distracted with worry and making it difficult for them to focus on everyday activities in school, at home, or within their community.

How to Help

For parents, it’s important to remember that all kids have some sort of worry or anxiousness when it comes to new and unfamiliar situations, like starting school. And while it may be temporary, it’s helpful to guide them through the emotional tsunamis that can affect their academic experience. Another instance of you acting as their regulated prefrontal cortex. Luckily, there are a lot of ways to do that:

• Listen to their concerns and acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if it seems outlandish. Just feeling heard can be comforting.
  
  
• Talk to them about anxiety in an age-appropriate way. Inside Out 2 does a great job explaining anxiety’s purpose and what it may feel like, especially if it goes awry. We’ve found that our kids can be a little more in control if we remind them that the character is just messing around in their brain. Other resources include The Whole Brain Child’s depiction of the brain as a house and this simplified version of the anxious brain from Kids Helpline.
  
  
• Limit their exposure to news, especially stories involving schools as they can magnify their sense of threat.
  
  
• Discourage comparisons. Our kids will come sometimes to us with questions about their classmates. Like, this kid is smarter than me or I was the last one to finish. Remind them that everyone is a different learner, and as long as they are trying their best, that is all they need to focus on.
  
  
• Allow them to foster and strengthen relationships with classmates, teachers, coaches, and other family members. Human connections can reduce anxiety and allow us to feel safe.
  
  
• Encourage play and physical activity to help them regulate their emotions and reduce the physical effects of stress/anxiety. Studies have found that anxiety reduces when the muscles become relaxed and the brain receives adequate oxygen.
  
  
• Use the 3 Rs. When your child is going through an anxious moment, help them recognize that what they are thinking is not factual, guide them through relaxation (deep breathing, stretching, mindful activities), and redirect their energy towards a productive task or healthy distraction.
  
  
• Teach the 3-3-3 Rule. If your child is spiraling, help ground them by asking them 3 things they can see, identify 3 sounds they can hear, and move 3 different parts of their body. This technique helps them focus on the present rather than worrying about the future unknowns.
  
  
• Share relatable stories of times when you faced similar worries to your child and how you coped with them. Avoid sarcasm or hyperbole, it might not land in the moment.
  
  
• A Hug. Sometimes in the bustle of back-to-school, we forget that maybe our kid needs a little more affection or comfort for reassurance. A note in their backpack or special breakfast can also start the day on a good foot.

Overall, kids this age should like going to school and being with friends. For the most part, our kids will settle right back into school routine and thrive. If you think your kid is having a rocky start or it seems like they are finding every reason to stay home, do your due diligence, team up with your teacher, and let’s figure out the root of the anxiety.

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