social development

The Sheep, the Wolf, and the Sheepdog: Kids and Peers

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

There are three types of people in this world: sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. – Wayne Kyle, American Sniper

My husband has used this analogy to explain certain types of people to our son ever since he was little. Granted, it is an oversimplified explanation of human nature, but it gets the point across. In our version of the metaphor, sheep are those who cannot defend themselves when harm comes their way, wolves take advantage of their vulnerability, and the sheepdog stands up and protects the sheep. It’s a visual way to tell him to be a decent human and not be a d*ck.

 While our son has long understood this concept, it’s becoming harder for him to follow. In fact, it feels like he’s exhibiting more wolf-like behavior these days. Turns out the shift between sheepdog and wolf mirrors the growing complexity of his social circle and how kids his age are dealing with the next level of social skills and challenges.

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Playground Rules: Peers and Social Skills

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L
Image credit: Recess

Parents can only do so much. In our kid’s early childhood, we try our best to teach and model everything they need to know to thrive. But eventually, they need to test their skills in real-life situations, and that’s most likely going to come on the playground.

When parents in the clinic would stress over their child’s social skills, I would say “playground rules,” meaning that kids best learn socialization in a setting with their peers and with limited interference from their parents. While the home serves as a training ground for trial and error, peers provide real-time feedback and refinement of those skills.

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Child(ish) Reads: Raising A Socially Successful Child, Pt. II

| Patti Webb

When we say “socially successful”, we mean making friends. Yes, how our child conducts themselves in public spaces in a way that is socially acceptable is one thing. Manners and etiquette are explicitly taught.

However, making friends is not exactly easy for most. Confidence, self-esteem, temperament; these all factor into the process personally. But then there is the reciprocation, the two-way street. Does this person like me back?

In Raising a Socially Successful Child, Dr. Stephen Nowicki explains the Friendship process; the different stages of how we start and maintain relationships.

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Repeat After Me: Kids and Modeling Language

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Kids are like little sponges and they absorb knowledge through observation, exploration, and experience. Learning to communicate and socialize appropriately is no different. From quoting movie lines, repeating encouraging phrases, or even calling us “Bruh”, they soak in everything they hear and try to apply it in everyday conversation whether they fully understand it or not. While their process trial and error can be amusing, it raises the question of how their models (primarily us) can shape their lives, their friendships, attitudes, identities, and their self-esteem and confidence.

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Course Notes: Social and Emotional Development, pt.2

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Social and emotional development involves gaining the capacity to understand, manage, and express. One way to guide its growth is with social and emotional learning (SEL). While this systematic approach is often seen in educational settings, it can be applied across the lifespan.

There are five competencies in this area, also known as the CASEL 5. They are:

  • Self-awareness – recognize one’s own emotions/thoughts/interests/values, how these qualities influence actions, as well as maintaining a positive self-view and belief in abilties
  • Self-management – regulate emotions/thoughts/behaviors in different situations, handle stress and resist urges, and set goals
  • Social awareness – understand subtle social/cultural rules and norms, considers other perspectives, show respect and empathy towards others
  • Relationship skills – establish and maintain relationships with others, resist negative social pressure, work well with others, prevent and solve conflicts with others, seek help when needed
  • Responsible decision making – accurately identify and evaluate problems, make decisions based on ethical and social norms, consider context when making decisions, contribute positively to the community

These skills enable us to maintain a healthy self-perception, manage stress effectively, comprehend others, and collaborate to support the community.

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