social development

The Girl Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

While working at a pediatric clinic, seasoned therapists often noted that boys responded best to clear expectations and consistent consequences, while girls benefited more from patience, emotional connection, and time to process instructions and feelings.

When I was just starting out, I assumed all kids processed things the same and saw girls’ need for patience as coddling. For context, I was raised in an Asian household where emotions were seen more as a weakness than an asset. So, if you had to cry, go outside.  

With time however, I realized I was wrong. It wasn’t that they didn’t understand the task; it was that they wanted to get it right so badly. Sometimes they’d miss the mark on the first try, or they’d misread my tone and think I was upset with them. Other times, they were simply grappling with the fact that there was no room to negotiate the task or the consequence. What they needed wasn’t leniency—it was time, clarity, and emotional safety. Check out this IG video.

We know that boy and girl brains are different, but what are the actual characteristics a girl brain and makes it’s learning processes distinct from its male counterpart?  

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The Boy Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Ever since my son was in daycare, I’ve heard “boys will be boys” tossed around. This was mostly to explain his energetic, impulsive behavior, especially during play or social interactions. I’ve never liked that saying. It felt like a shrug, an excuse, as if rough-and-tumble behavior is inevitable or exclusively male. And let’s be honest, girls can stir up just as much chaos as their male peers.

But as he moved into elementary school, the patterns became harder to ignore. More boys in his grade were on medication for ADHD. More boys were getting flagged for disruptive behavior. The gap wasn’t just anecdotal anymore. It was showing up in classroom dynamics, discipline charts, and parent-teacher conferences.

Recent research confirms that there are differences between male and female brains, but I keep wondering: Are those differences present before puberty? And if they are, how much do they actually shape the way boys and girls learn, connect, and navigate the world around them?

In this two-part series, we’ll explore how brain development may diverge between boys and girls, and how we can best support them as parents as they grow. First up: The boy brain.

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The Art of Making Friends: Kid Edition

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Humans are social creatures. For that reason alone, the way we engage and connect with others in different social contexts is an important occupation in everyday life. In occupational therapy, social participation refers to meaningful interactions with others in ways that foster emotional growth and confidence. For kids, it shows up in how they play with peers, take part in school and group activities, and how they form and maintain friendships.

Social skills span a wide and nuanced range of abilities that are a fundamental component of social participation. When it comes to friendships, they hinge on a set of social-emotional traits that help kids connect, resolve conflict, and build trust over time. These include:

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Mary’s School Update: New School, Who’s This?

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Last school year, it was shared that our local public elementary school was shortlisted for possible closure. After five grueling months of parent advocacy and formal meetings with the school board, a final decision was made: our cherished elementary school would close its doors due to fiscal responsibility. The outcome was deeply disheartening.

I served on the research team tasked with compiling data and proposing innovative, cost-saving alternatives that could give us a chance for this upcoming school year. But despite our efforts, the board’s majority leaned toward shuttering aging facilities and reallocating resources.

This feels deeply personal to me right now, but this trend has been widely documented across the country. School systems increasingly forced to make difficult decisions in response to shrinking budgets and changing demographics. As public school enrollment declines (due to a range of factors), closures and consolidations have become part of the cost-cutting strategy.

So where does this leave our community?

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The Sheep, the Wolf, and the Sheepdog: Kids and Peers

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

There are three types of people in this world: sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. – Wayne Kyle, American Sniper

My husband has used this analogy to explain certain types of people to our son ever since he was little. Granted, it is an oversimplified explanation of human nature, but it gets the point across. In our version of the metaphor, sheep are those who cannot defend themselves when harm comes their way, wolves take advantage of their vulnerability, and the sheepdog stands up and protects the sheep. It’s a visual way to tell him to be a decent human and not be a d*ck.

 While our son has long understood this concept, it’s becoming harder for him to follow. In fact, it feels like he’s exhibiting more wolf-like behavior these days. Turns out the shift between sheepdog and wolf mirrors the growing complexity of his social circle and how kids his age are dealing with the next level of social skills and challenges.

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