Neuroscience

The Twin Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

We are constantly fascinated by the brain and how it shapes behavior. Our chats about what is going on in our kids’ heads led to our last posts about the boy, girl, and even ADHD brain. So naturally as moms to twins, we turned our attention to twin neurobiology.

Twin brains seem to operate in a world of their own. It’s almost like one brain expressed through two distinct personalities. For example, my daughter H leans into logic and reasoning, while K brings emotional depth and creativity. Together as identical twins, they feel like complementary halves of a shared whole. My husband and I have also seen moments that defy explanation: one twin tearing up when the other gets hurt, or both making the same gesture at the exact same time. It’s weird, but it’s pretty cool.

Patti having fraternal twins, their brains are less complementary but more like synergistic sound boards. As they learn, they take cues from each other, speeding up their understanding and sometimes their competitiveness.

It naturally leads to the question: Are twin brains wired differently than singleton ones?
In some ways, yes. In others, not quite.

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The Girl Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

While working at a pediatric clinic, seasoned therapists often noted that boys responded best to clear expectations and consistent consequences, while girls benefited more from patience, emotional connection, and time to process instructions and feelings.

When I was just starting out, I assumed all kids processed things the same and saw girls’ need for patience as coddling. For context, I was raised in an Asian household where emotions were seen more as a weakness than an asset. So, if you had to cry, go outside.  

With time however, I realized I was wrong. It wasn’t that they didn’t understand the task; it was that they wanted to get it right so badly. Sometimes they’d miss the mark on the first try, or they’d misread my tone and think I was upset with them. Other times, they were simply grappling with the fact that there was no room to negotiate the task or the consequence. What they needed wasn’t leniency—it was time, clarity, and emotional safety. Check out this IG video.

We know that boy and girl brains are different, but what are the actual characteristics a girl brain and makes it’s learning processes distinct from its male counterpart?  

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The Boy Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Ever since my son was in daycare, I’ve heard “boys will be boys” tossed around. This was mostly to explain his energetic, impulsive behavior, especially during play or social interactions. I’ve never liked that saying. It felt like a shrug, an excuse, as if rough-and-tumble behavior is inevitable or exclusively male. And let’s be honest, girls can stir up just as much chaos as their male peers.

But as he moved into elementary school, the patterns became harder to ignore. More boys in his grade were on medication for ADHD. More boys were getting flagged for disruptive behavior. The gap wasn’t just anecdotal anymore. It was showing up in classroom dynamics, discipline charts, and parent-teacher conferences.

Recent research confirms that there are differences between male and female brains, but I keep wondering: Are those differences present before puberty? And if they are, how much do they actually shape the way boys and girls learn, connect, and navigate the world around them?

In this two-part series, we’ll explore how brain development may diverge between boys and girls, and how we can best support them as parents as they grow. First up: The boy brain.

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Motivate Me: Kids and Motivation

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Once upon a time, my son was THE BEST little helper I could ever have. When he saw me vacuum, he wanted to help. When he watched me do the dishes, he wanted to participate. If he had an assignment, he did it without a whimper. Fast forward to present day: OMG the patience I need to have to get him to do anything…

Interest drives motivation but so do rewards and punishments. When it comes to our kids, it seems like we’re pulling teeth to get them to do their chores, complete their homework, or even just to get up off the couch and DO ANYTHING. While we know that motivation plays an important role in directing our child’s behavior, the question is HOW to instill it in our kids and ensure that it sticks?

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Youth Sports and Rec

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

When we first enrolled my son in soccer, we wanted to introduce him to a sport with structure and rules. While it was all fun and games in the beginning (he really liked running around and playing with friends), the expectations shifted from just “having fun” to peers yelling, “Stoffel! Learn to kick the ball!”  

By the end of his second season, he told me he didn’t like playing anymore. From people charging at him when he had the ball to multiple teammates screaming at him to pass the ball, the pressure was a bit more than he wanted to handle. That was fine by us. He’s now in his third year of baseball and has been enjoying it much better. The nature of the sport operates at a slower pace and each player must equally contribute both offensively and defensively, without multiple people in his face to make a play.

As our kids get more involved in youth sports, the expectations change. Aside from learning how to be a team player and to appropriately win/lose/enjoy the game, they are now also expected to practice on and off the field and remain on task for at least an hour (and that’s after a full-day of school). Some practices and games may be late afternoon or evening, interfering with daily dinner time and sleep schedules. And, it only gets later and longer as our kids age and advance their skills and commitment.

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