modern parenting

Child(ish) Reads: This is So Awkward

| Patti Webb

It’s now October and we usually try to work in our fun, tongue-in-cheek tone throughout for Halloween. The book I picked out for today was an Advance Reader I got from NetGalley (again, tragically late for a review), and as Mary and I started talking about it, it became a little…scary.

This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained by Cara Natterson MD and Vanessa Kroll Bennett.

Here’s the blurb: Almost everything about puberty has changed since today’s adults went through it. It starts, on average, two years earlier and stretches through high school . . . and for some, beyond. Gens Z and Alpha are also contending with a whole host of thorny issues that parents didn’t experience in their own youth but nonetheless need to understand: everything from social media and easy-access pornography to gender identities and new or newly-potent drugs. Talking about any of this is like puberty itself: Awkward! But it’s also critical for the health, happiness, and safety of today’s kids.

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Child(ish) Reads – The Good Mother Myth

| Patti Webb

Right after I gave birth to my girls and we got into somewhat of a routine, it was time for me to return to work. Yes, it’s working from home but my job at the time still included about 10-15% travel. I was planning on tampering off pumping and ending just in time for my first work conference; about 2 months away. I was explaining my travel plans to my mother (who was living with us) and told her that my MIL and SIL were also coming up during that time to help with the babies. She said, “I thought you said you weren’t going to be doing that [traveling for work] anymore. Who’s going to take care of them when you’re gone?”

I was super confused. I had NEVER said that I was going to stop work travel. It was one of the things I loved about my job. In fact, my mother was confused as to why I was even going back to work at all. Keep in mind, I was only going to be gone for 4 days.

First of all, homie’s got bills to pay including student loan debt. Second and this is where I dug deep, the babies have an entire second human who is able to care for them: their father (along with three other people I had already recruited). Of course, she was going to give me the typical he’s-the-one-who-has-to-work spiel, but I hit right back with this:

“I could be a sh*t mom and abandon my kids altogether and I still wouldn’t worry about them because Troy is an amazing father. If he needed to, he would be able to figure it out on his own and be able to raise them just fine without me. That’s how much confidence I have in him.”

She didn’t take too well to that, but having that conversation really made me double down that I would never be the full default parent. That I would reject any societal expectation of a mom because they are in fact bias and full of sh*t. 

Enter The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom by Nancy Reddy. I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book from NetGalley.

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Child(ish) Reads: MORE + Being Seen

| Patti Webb

“What we are teaches the child far more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become.”- Child development author Joseph Chilton Pearce, Teaching Children to Love

This post is actually part Child(ish) Read review and part Coffee Chat. I finally finished More: Life on the Edge of Adventure and Motherhood by Majka Burhardt. Burhardt is a Princeton graduate, a professional rock and ice climber, and a twin mom. The book spans her pregnancy through her kids’ fourth birthday, compiled from audio and journal entries over five years. The book started out as letters to her twins and morphed into book-form when she could see the overall message not only to her children, but to all moms.

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The Self-Aware Parent

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Do you remember being a teenager and getting into arguments with your parents?
There would be yelling, and it would escalate and you would throw out the “I can’t wait until I’m 18 and out of this house.”
Then, they would one-up you by firing back with “Yeah? Well, when you’re a parent, I hope your kid is just. like. you.”

One thing I’ve noticed about being a Millennial parent is that our generation strives to be the caregivers we wanted to have growing up. It might be a by-product of social media or more access to information, but it’s like we can see in real-time exactly how our parenting is affected by how we were parented. There is a lot of call and desire to break the generational traumas by healing our personal childhood wounds and investing the time and effort to make our children feel loved, whole, and understood.

That task we place upon ourselves is no easy feat. Much of how we parent has been laid out by our parents and their parents before them (and so on) and we don’t really recognize that stuck cycle until we catch ourselves saying the same lines or doing the same harmful actions. So, are we any different from our parents and how can we break the negative cycle?

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Child(ish) Reads: The School for Good Mothers

| Patti Webb

Surprise! This is the first time Child(ish) Reads has reviewed a fiction title. So, a couple rule changes:

  1. I’m not going to spoil the ending.
  2. There will be no actual “advice”.
  3. Judgement-free zone here. Let’s call it a mix between a book review and coffee chat.

The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan

Blurb: Frida Liu is struggling. She doesn’t have a career worthy of her Chinese immigrant parents’ sacrifices. She can’t persuade her husband, Gust, to give up his wellness-obsessed younger mistress. Only with Harriet, their cherubic daughter, does Frida finally attain the perfection expected of her. Harriet may be all she has, but she is just enough.

Until Frida has a very bad day.

The state has its eyes on mothers like Frida. The ones who check their phones, letting their children get injured on the playground; who let their children walk home alone. Because of one moment of poor judgment, a host of government officials will now determine if Frida is a candidate for a Big Brother-like institution that measures the success or failure of a mother’s devotion.

Faced with the possibility of losing Harriet, Frida must prove that a bad mother can be redeemed. That she can learn to be good.

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