child development

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble: Twin Identities

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Aunt Agatha: I have Lynn!
Kelly Farmer: I’m Kelly!
Aunt Agatha: Oh, whoever. I have your sister! If you care about her, you’ll give yourself up now!

Twins are often seen as a packaged deal, especially if they are identical. You can’t say Mary-Kate without thinking about Ashley Olsen, or Tia and Tamara Mowry. Even my own twins are known at school simply as “the twins” or “H and K.”

Mix-ups and mistaken identities are common; and while they may seem harmless, these moments subtly shape how twins see themselves and relate to others. That’s why it’s so important for parents to recognize each twin as a unique individual, with their own personality, behavior, and strengths. This isn’t always easy as physical resemblance, emotional closeness, and family dynamic can make individuality harder to nurture. Factor in the reality that they’ve had a constant companion since the womb, and the journey toward individuality becomes even more layered.

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Don’t Scream, It’s just the Class Clown

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Sidney: Stu, Stu, what’s your motive? Billy’s got one, the police are on their way, what are you gonna tell them?

Stu: “Peer pressure. I’m far too sensitive.”

Oh, Stu Macher. Not only was he part of the very first Ghostface duo, but he’s also the ultimate class clown. Loud, impulsive, and constantly cracking jokes, Stu masks chaos with charisma. But beneath the blood and comic relief lies something eerily familiar: The emotional blueprint of a kid who uses humor to connect, deflect, and survive.

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The Twin Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

We are constantly fascinated by the brain and how it shapes behavior. Our chats about what is going on in our kids’ heads led to our last posts about the boy, girl, and even ADHD brain. So naturally as moms to twins, we turned our attention to twin neurobiology.

Twin brains seem to operate in a world of their own. It’s almost like one brain expressed through two distinct personalities. For example, my daughter H leans into logic and reasoning, while K brings emotional depth and creativity. Together as identical twins, they feel like complementary halves of a shared whole. My husband and I have also seen moments that defy explanation: one twin tearing up when the other gets hurt, or both making the same gesture at the exact same time. It’s weird, but it’s pretty cool.

Patti having fraternal twins, their brains are less complementary but more like synergistic sound boards. As they learn, they take cues from each other, speeding up their understanding and sometimes their competitiveness.

It naturally leads to the question: Are twin brains wired differently than singleton ones?
In some ways, yes. In others, not quite.

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The Girl Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

While working at a pediatric clinic, seasoned therapists often noted that boys responded best to clear expectations and consistent consequences, while girls benefited more from patience, emotional connection, and time to process instructions and feelings.

When I was just starting out, I assumed all kids processed things the same and saw girls’ need for patience as coddling. For context, I was raised in an Asian household where emotions were seen more as a weakness than an asset. So, if you had to cry, go outside.  

With time however, I realized I was wrong. It wasn’t that they didn’t understand the task; it was that they wanted to get it right so badly. Sometimes they’d miss the mark on the first try, or they’d misread my tone and think I was upset with them. Other times, they were simply grappling with the fact that there was no room to negotiate the task or the consequence. What they needed wasn’t leniency—it was time, clarity, and emotional safety. Check out this IG video.

We know that boy and girl brains are different, but what are the actual characteristics a girl brain and makes it’s learning processes distinct from its male counterpart?  

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The Boy Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Ever since my son was in daycare, I’ve heard “boys will be boys” tossed around. This was mostly to explain his energetic, impulsive behavior, especially during play or social interactions. I’ve never liked that saying. It felt like a shrug, an excuse, as if rough-and-tumble behavior is inevitable or exclusively male. And let’s be honest, girls can stir up just as much chaos as their male peers.

But as he moved into elementary school, the patterns became harder to ignore. More boys in his grade were on medication for ADHD. More boys were getting flagged for disruptive behavior. The gap wasn’t just anecdotal anymore. It was showing up in classroom dynamics, discipline charts, and parent-teacher conferences.

Recent research confirms that there are differences between male and female brains, but I keep wondering: Are those differences present before puberty? And if they are, how much do they actually shape the way boys and girls learn, connect, and navigate the world around them?

In this two-part series, we’ll explore how brain development may diverge between boys and girls, and how we can best support them as parents as they grow. First up: The boy brain.

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