Once upon a time, my son was THE BEST little helper I could ever have. When he saw me vacuum, he wanted to help. When he watched me do the dishes, he wanted to participate. If he had an assignment, he did it without a whimper. Fast forward to present day: OMG the patience I need to have to get him to do anything…

Interest drives motivation but so do rewards and punishments. When it comes to our kids, it seems like we’re pulling teeth to get them to do their chores, complete their homework, or even just to get up off the couch and DO ANYTHING. While we know that motivation plays an important role in directing our child’s behavior, the question is HOW to instill it in our kids and ensure that it sticks?

Motivation is the driving force that calls us to action and pursue our goals. It’s what sparks our desire to succeed, learn, and overcome challenges. It ensures that we remain focused and determined, and ultimately achieve our objectives.

While motivation comes in a couple forms, each can engage different aspects of the brain and  impact how we pursue goals, experience rewards, and sustain effort.

Outside Influences

Anytime we convince our children to do something in exchange for a preferred item or activity (or to avoid an unenjoyable task/situation), we are using extrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation refers to behaviors that are driven by environmental and social variables: rewards, praise, recognition, threats, and punishment. This belief stems from operant conditioning – a behavior that is rewarded is more likely to be repeated.

However, the issue is in how it operates. If you often use candy to bribe your child into helping around the house, you’re training them to expect a reward for their efforts. When the rewards stop coming (or candy loses its appeal), kids may no longer want participate. Studies have repeatedly shown that relying on rewards can hinder the development of intrinsic motivation for any task, essentially conveying that the task itself is neither enjoyable nor fun. Instead of your child cleaning their room out of a sense of personal responsibility, they end up doing it just for the reward you promised.

Rewards aren’t always negative. When used correctly, extrinsic motivation can help guide behavior, especially when tasks are dull and quick results are needed (hello, potty training!). It can also act as positive reinforcement, enhancing your child’s self-esteem and confidence in activities they already enjoy or find motivating.

Internal Drive

Even though they’re used interchangeably, intrinsic motivation is different than internal motivation. Internal motivation compels a person to complete a task regardless of whether that drive comes from enjoyment. An example would be a child who studies hard for a test for fear of failing, not because they enjoy the topic.

Intrinsic motivation refers to actions that are driven purely by their personal significance to the person. It stems from genuine interest, curiosity, and desire, with key elements being:

• Autonomy – the need to feel in control of one’s actions and decisions
• Mastery – the desire to master tasks and challenges
• Relatedness – the need to connect with others

Intrinsic motivation begins in infancy; babies are naturally driven to explore and learn about their environment. They react to new stimuli in their surroundings. As children understand that their actions have specific outcomes, like crying to get a bottle or hitting a toy and it lights up, they develop a sense of control and mastery. This boosts their self-esteem, making them feel capable and motivated to explore further. As their confidence grows, they become more self-sufficient and self-motivated.

Genuine motivation for an activity fosters positive feelings, helping children turn interest into passion. Intrinsically motivated children experience enhanced learning capabilities, information processing, strategic thinking, and resilience. This type of motivation helps them develop important life skills, emotional maturity, and a strong sense of self-identity through their authentic interests and passions.

Motivation of the Mind

Motivation derives from the brain’s reward circuitry. While it involves various brain structures, all of them are found along the primary dopamine pathway. Dopamine, aka “the feel-good hormone”, influences anticipation and motivation by controlling motor, emotional, and cognitive responses. It also:

• Signals the pursuit of rewarding activities or experiences
• Heightens anticipation of rewards, steering behaviors toward desired goals
• Enhances memory of past rewarding events, promoting repetition

Dopamine release also changes depending on the type of motivation. For example, intrinsic motivation activates dopamine in a more stable manner because it stimulates the brain’s reward pathways directly, allowing for ongoing enjoyment and commitment. Extrinsic motivation, however, leads to a dopamine surge when a goal or reward is achieved, making it challenging to maintain motivation over time without ongoing rewards.

Master Motivator

Children can develop self-motivation when their natural curiosity is fostered and supported. Here are ways to encourage their motivation:

• Nurture their heart. The Nurtured Heart Approach is a method to help children build positive behavior, inner strength, and self-confidence by focusing on their successes rather than their mistakes. The three key principles are to ignore negative behavior, celebrate positive actions, and set clear and consistent rules. In essence, it’s about encouraging the good while setting clear expectations and not dwelling on the bad.
  
  
• Make the future more concrete. Kids often find the future abstract and overwhelming, especially with big tasks like homework. Break down tasks to make them more manageable. For example, say, “Complete this worksheet and we’ll review it together” or “Read five pages, then take a break.”
  
  
• Story time. It’s always great to share your childhood stories to help motivate your kids, especially when dealing with unpleasant tasks or challenges. Encourage them to share their own stories as well. When we prompt our kids to share their experiences, they build self-esteem, strengthen connections, and find inspiration. Through their stories, they discover themselves, leading to intrinsic motivation for growth.
  
  
• Reward appropriately. Both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation interact with each other. Rewards enhance intrinsic motivation when given during uninteresting tasks and short-term outcomes. Verbal praise and recognition strengthens inherent interest during high-interest tasks, allowing our kids to appreciate the process and find internal satisfaction. Also note that you are praising their effort, not just their outcomes.

But, if frequent rewards are tangible, offered beforehand, or loosely relevant to the level of performance shown, we run the risk of hindering their self-drive. Use accordingly.

In truth, it would be silly to assume that everything that is required of our kids to do will be satisfying to them. Rewards are necessary sometimes; however, if we can find a balance or use extrinsic motivators while instilling a sense of responsibility and joy, even in the most mundane of tasks, we can help them develop the motivation to succeed on their own.

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