Prepping for Healthy Gaming

In my Healthy Gamer book review, I shared a bit about my brother’s and my relationship with video games growing up. I’ve also shared about my husband Troy being a serious gamer well into his adulthood. And now that we have two kids who are ready for beginner video games, we’ve had to create a workable plan for having them in our home.

Just like any entertainment device, we have basic rules around screen time:

Tablet time and Nintendo Switch are limited to one hour a day each. If the girls don’t want to watch or play together, then they can do them separately for 45 minutes each.
If they want to watch different videos or play different apps, they have to alternate. We don’t have multiple games yet (sort of). But when we do, those will alternate with time limits as well. Mario Party is a special case since they can’t independently read; they have to play with a parent to understand the gameplay.
There needs to be adequate distance between them and the screen. They need to sit a set amount of feet away from the TV. The tablet needs to be upright and not so close to their faces. We’ve had complaints about headaches after tablet time.
We set a Google timer when games start. When the alarm goes off, there are no buts or excuses.

These seem to work for the most part. Yes, we do have mumbles and grumbles when the devices are taken away, but we are prepared for that. Knowing that there is the potential for a tantrum helps keep us in the yellow zone. On weekdays, the time limit usually butts up against dinner time, so that’s at least a hard stop. On the weekends, I try to have an activity or going-out plan ready so they can do a quick turnaround before the tantrum starts. Some days are better than others, but it’s also age-appropriate.

The Long Term

Troy has been planting the seeds for our girls to be gamers since the beginning. They get curious about his D&D campaigns, they make friends with the other kids in his consortium, and we introduced Mario and Peach at birth. Eventually, Troy wants to convert our unused dining room into their computer/study room with two full-screen setups, conveniently adjoining his office for better team communication.

Yes, this is still a way away. However, we want to establish that video games in all their forms are a fun mode of entertainment that we ALL can participate in. Right now, they have two Nintendo Switch games (MarioKart and Mario Party) and three apps (Khan Academy, Starfall, and Bejeweled). From there, they could venture into platform games, role-playing games, online tabletop, first-person shooters, adventure games, fighting games, racing games, rhythm games, simulation games, omg…. I’m not even considering sports games.

For now, I very closely gatekeep what games/apps they are allowed to use. They do not have permission or ability (nor will they ever) to purchase anything in-app. And, the actual video game cartridges or downloads are to be earned and purchased with their allowance or gifted.

We adjust the games for ability. MarioKart was in Smart Steering mode until they could learn the fine motor handling on the controller. Individual Joy-Con Switch controllers also have motion control.

We also check if they are actually progressing and building skill within the game. If they are just button-mashing, then they aren’t really playing the game how it’s meant to be played and are losing out on the fine motor and cognitive skills games provide.

The Dark Side

From the research: “Video games, as great as they can be, can still produce a negative effect if their use is left unchecked. Certain games, by design, can elicit an adrenaline kick. This flight-or-fight response triggered by the game’s intense stimulation can send the brain into a state of hyperarousal. While it’s not an issue to be overstimulated every once and a while, being in this constant condition can result in difficulties with attention to requested tasks, following directions, as well as managing emotions, frustration, and impulses.

Recent research has found that the more competitive and fast-paced the game (violent or non-violent), the angrier and more aggressive the player becomes. So if something goes wrong, like losing a battle, internet connection disconnects, or a teammate goes rogue, all that emotion and energy results in gamer rage.”

What does this mean for parents of young kids? More than ever, you need to act as their prefrontal cortex. Kids do not have the discipline or capacity to just stop playing mid-game on their own.

Remember how I said that when our timer goes off, there can be a lot of resistance? For little kids, the resistance can be selective hearing (repeating multiple times to physically turn the console off), throwing the controller, crying because you’ve snapped their winning streak, crying because one kid lost to her sister, pouting because there isn’t anything else to do, etc.

We are prepared for this behavior, as frustrating as it can be, because we want our kids to develop healthy gaming habits.

The negative stereotypes of gamers being sedentary or having bad hygiene or showing obsessive compulsive behavior; those can actually happen if habits are not kept in check. We’ve had a number of friends that toe the line of “Dude, you need a shower.” I’m not going to go into Gaming Addiction for kids this age, but it’s worth noting that unmonitored gaming could exacerbate negative behavior for kids that already have ADHD, anxiety/depression, mental health concerns or Autism Spectrum disorders.

One of our girls has some ADHD tendencies, so we have to frequently adjust her posture, tell her to sit down, build in active screen-free time afterwards to give her brain a rest. We use the pause button constantly and have her turn her body away from the TV when we’re talking.

The other can be a bit of a sore loser. So we work with her on practicing skills, going through “it’s just a game”, and finding other games that work better with her skillset.

The Safe Side

Finally, and then it goes without saying, we have parental controls set up for our entire Nintendo family account. There is no online play until they reach a certain age and can understand the concept of strangers on the internet. And even then, Troy talked about setting up a private server in our house…

Will they have a device in their rooms? Definitely not anytime soon.
I know a few parents who keep their kids’ tablets docked in the kitchen, even at high school age. This is definitely a personal choice, especially when older kids have more homework at night and access to social media. You want to be sure that you and your kid have a strong trust alliance and they have already demonstrated healthy gaming/screen/device habits.

Video games also have a rating system by age. Follow it.

If you have older kids and they are playing a game not suitable for your younger kids, then you will have to be the bad guy and use that boundary.

If your kid wants to do a coding game that you might not understand, do it together. Could be a learning opportunity for you as well.

Other tips from the internet:
-Keep your kids hydrated. Have a snack ready when the game turns off.
-Build in small breaks so kids can stretch, rest their eyes, etc.
-Keep the room well lit.
-If possible, go outside after the game turns off.
-Help your child cultivate other non-video game hobbies for easy transition.

Happy Gaming!

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Sources:
Juho Kahila, Satu Piispa-Hakala, Sanni Kahila, Teemu Valtonen, Henriikka Vartiainen and Matti Tedre, “If the game does not work, it is lagging, or you die in game, you just get furious” – children’s experiences on gamer rage. CEUR Workshop Proceedings. 5th International GamiFIN Conference 2021 (GamiFIN 2021), April 7-10, 2021, Finland.