Your Restaurant Game Plan

It feels 100% weird that I am writing this post on taking kids to restaurants when I just had a very frustrating experience on Saturday. But here we go…

When I was in high school, my little sister was about a year and a half old. My stepmother had made it a point that every Friday, they would go out to a restaurant for lunch and work on manners. I’m not exactly sure what this meant because I didn’t really see any actual teaching or etiquette going on. Instead, it was more like sitting in a booth with a toddler and correcting every single move she made.

Twenty years later, Troy and I are big foodies and we make an intentional effort to take our kids to restaurants when we can. Neither Troy’s parents nor mine actually took us out to restaurants that often growing up. I always assumed that this was either a penny-pinching effort or perhaps even a generational difference.

Now, as much as 64% of the population goes out to eat at least once a week. Parents with three or more take their kids to eat out most often, with 27% of this group saying they always did so. Parents were actually less likely to always take their children if they had one (21%), or two kids (17%).

There are plenty of reasons to take your kids out to eat and they’re all valid. You’re tired and you don’t want to cook. You want to expose your kids to different types of cuisine. You want to work on manners and have your kid learn the etiquette of being out in public. All good, but now there are an abundance of restaurants available to us and they are all categorically different when it comes to serving kids.

Here’s my little shortcut. There are four different types of restaurants and they range from specifically for kids to “don’t even think about it”.

Actual kid restaurants and fast food

Chuck E. Cheese, McDonald’s, places with playgrounds; these are fairly easy to spot. Everyone knows what they’re in for. No one is going to shame you for bringing a newborn, toddler, or elementary-age kid on the premises. TBH, the amount of stimuli in Chuck E. Cheese seriously puts me over the edge. If you are going to the rat casino, it is for birthday party and that’s it.

2. Fast casual and kid-friendly

Fast casual places are where you order at a counter and then sit at a table, no waiter involved. These restaurants are meant to be super quick in and out. No one is there for a quiet atmosphere or romantic ambience. Kid-friendly restaurants are self-explanatory and easy to Google. These are usually chain restaurants that have kids menus and crayons, and where the waiters are equipped to handle families. You probably won’t get a ton of nasty looks if you bring your kids to a Chili’s, Olive Garden, etc. Lunch and breakfast spots are also usually a safe bet, just check the menu first.

3. Interactive meals

These aren’t necessarily for kids, but they can accommodate them without much trouble: buffets, hibachi, Korean barbecue, restaurants that serve family-style. At most Brazilian steakhouses, kids eat free under a certain age. I’ve mentioned this before but my girls love conveyor belt sushi. It’s self-serve, small portions, and very little mess to clean up. These types of places don’t have kids menus, but surprisingly have a lot of kids under the age of X eat free or for a significantly discounted price.

4. Fine dining

Some restaurants clearly state on their website if they have an age limit. Others say it with subtext: dress code, fixed price menus or multiple course menus with no adjustments, open late night, “special occasion“, “good for couples”, higher entree prices. You’ll also find that these restaurants don’t have high chairs or booster seats, or changing tables in their bathrooms. And if you really can’t tell, check out the noise level ratings in restaurant guides. Low, quiet ambience usually means no kids are involved. Some of the logic behind fine dining is that “if you can afford to eat at fine dining restaurants, you can afford a babysitter.“

Note: It is legal for restaurant proprietors to refuse to allow kids.

Is there a lot a grey area for some restaurants? Yeah, and it is up to you to use your parent discretion. On average, 52% of people surveyed said that they didn’t like the presence of children in restaurants. There are a ton of horror stories, accurate or not, that involve kids running up and down aisles, throwing food, and plowing into waiters with the parents seemingly not caring. I like to think that this is a very, very rare exception since most parents we know are very conscious and paranoid about their children’s behavior in public.

It is worth stating that just because you’re at a restaurant and want to relax instead of cook, it doesn’t mean you can let the parenting part of your role go. I constantly have to remind my kids to use their manners at restaurants, and semi-empty threaten them that if their manners don’t improve, we are no longer going out to restaurants. I am watching them like a hawk from the minute we sit down until the check comes. And while my girls have never really hit the “we are leaving now” threshold, I do have one. Yours might be significantly lower or higher than mine, and that is all good as long as you have an idea of what is socially acceptable.

As many as 75% of American parents admitted that they’d been called out on the bad behavior of their own children in a restaurant. This included 75% of people with one child, 78% with two children, and 51% of parents with three or more. This is upsetting to me because we should be giving each other a bit of grace in these situations. Sometimes things just aren’t in our control. I’ve never been approached with a negative comment about my kids’ behavior, but I’d unleash a whole world of snark if it ever did happen.

A Semi-Welcomed Distraction

I don’t usually bring a tablet with me to a restaurant, but I have no problem with other families who do. Do what you gotta do. If you are super proactive and you bring your own crayons or activity book, chef’s kiss. My one weird gripe is when you see multiple kids and multiple tablets and the adults keeping to themselves. I get a little discouraged when there isn’t a lot of conversation, especially when everyone is sitting at a communal table together. If going out to a restaurant is a fun, social occasion, then make it so.

Take out is still just fine

If you are super paranoid about your kids misbehaving in public and still don’t want to cook, it’s okay to get takeout. This is especially true if you have a newborn and going out is significantly more complicated and time-consuming. Sometimes the stress of getting a presumed nasty look is a big enough deterrent to just stay home. All those table manners can easily be taught at home and on your own timeline.

No-Fly Zone

There are a ton of TikTok videos going around from people explaining why it is okay to have child-free weddings. Weddings, graduations, church services, fancy luncheons, anything at a country club; these are all occasions where you cannot expect a kid to sit still for more than 30 minutes. They’re not going to be into speeches, they don’t understand anything that’s being said, and they do not have the ability to move freely.

Secondly, these are not occasions where you as an adult are likely to be an active parent. At a wedding, you’re probably going to want to have a drink and dance, not follow after your child for four hours so they don’t smash a $10,000 wedding cake. Or insert themselves into a father-daughter dance, or cry during vows, or throw up on a white dress. If the expectation of these events are made clear on the invitation, please do not look for an exception to bring your child. Even if they behave like perfect gems at restaurants, these types of events up the ante. Keep those babysitters in business.

I hope this little cheat sheet gives you a bit of confidence to take your kids out to eat. I also hope it gives you a little bit of relief or support if you have mixed feelings about leaving them at home. Bon appétit!