twin parenting

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble: Twin Identities

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Aunt Agatha: I have Lynn!
Kelly Farmer: I’m Kelly!
Aunt Agatha: Oh, whoever. I have your sister! If you care about her, you’ll give yourself up now!

Twins are often seen as a packaged deal, especially if they are identical. You can’t say Mary-Kate without thinking about Ashley Olsen, or Tia and Tamara Mowry. Even my own twins are known at school simply as “the twins” or “H and K.”

Mix-ups and mistaken identities are common; and while they may seem harmless, these moments subtly shape how twins see themselves and relate to others. That’s why it’s so important for parents to recognize each twin as a unique individual, with their own personality, behavior, and strengths. This isn’t always easy as physical resemblance, emotional closeness, and family dynamic can make individuality harder to nurture. Factor in the reality that they’ve had a constant companion since the womb, and the journey toward individuality becomes even more layered.

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The Twin Brain

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

We are constantly fascinated by the brain and how it shapes behavior. Our chats about what is going on in our kids’ heads led to our last posts about the boy, girl, and even ADHD brain. So naturally as moms to twins, we turned our attention to twin neurobiology.

Twin brains seem to operate in a world of their own. It’s almost like one brain expressed through two distinct personalities. For example, my daughter H leans into logic and reasoning, while K brings emotional depth and creativity. Together as identical twins, they feel like complementary halves of a shared whole. My husband and I have also seen moments that defy explanation: one twin tearing up when the other gets hurt, or both making the same gesture at the exact same time. It’s weird, but it’s pretty cool.

Patti having fraternal twins, their brains are less complementary but more like synergistic sound boards. As they learn, they take cues from each other, speeding up their understanding and sometimes their competitiveness.

It naturally leads to the question: Are twin brains wired differently than singleton ones?
In some ways, yes. In others, not quite.

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The Girlfriends’ Guide to Surviving Multiples

| Patti Webb

Full disclosure: I’ve wanted twins since I first saw Full House in 2nd grade. I thought that having a twin was the most special thing ever. I will always stop and watch The Parent Trap (both versions). But even though I got my life-long wish after 18 months of infertility, I still cried with worry when I found out. How the f*** are we going to do this?

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