friendships

The Art of Making Friends: Kid Edition

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Humans are social creatures. For that reason alone, the way we engage and connect with others in different social contexts is an important occupation in everyday life. In occupational therapy, social participation refers to meaningful interactions with others in ways that foster emotional growth and confidence. For kids, it shows up in how they play with peers, take part in school and group activities, and how they form and maintain friendships.

Social skills span a wide and nuanced range of abilities that are a fundamental component of social participation. When it comes to friendships, they hinge on a set of social-emotional traits that help kids connect, resolve conflict, and build trust over time. These include:

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The Sheep, the Wolf, and the Sheepdog: Kids and Peers

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

There are three types of people in this world: sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. – Wayne Kyle, American Sniper

My husband has used this analogy to explain certain types of people to our son ever since he was little. Granted, it is an oversimplified explanation of human nature, but it gets the point across. In our version of the metaphor, sheep are those who cannot defend themselves when harm comes their way, wolves take advantage of their vulnerability, and the sheepdog stands up and protects the sheep. It’s a visual way to tell him to be a decent human and not be a d*ck.

 While our son has long understood this concept, it’s becoming harder for him to follow. In fact, it feels like he’s exhibiting more wolf-like behavior these days. Turns out the shift between sheepdog and wolf mirrors the growing complexity of his social circle and how kids his age are dealing with the next level of social skills and challenges.

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Playground Rules: Peers and Social Skills

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L
Image credit: Recess

Parents can only do so much. In our kid’s early childhood, we try our best to teach and model everything they need to know to thrive. But eventually, they need to test their skills in real-life situations, and that’s most likely going to come on the playground.

When parents in the clinic would stress over their child’s social skills, I would say “playground rules,” meaning that kids best learn socialization in a setting with their peers and with limited interference from their parents. While the home serves as a training ground for trial and error, peers provide real-time feedback and refinement of those skills.

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Child(ish) Reads: Raising A Socially Successful Child, Pt. II

| Patti Webb

When we say “socially successful”, we mean making friends. Yes, how our child conducts themselves in public spaces in a way that is socially acceptable is one thing. Manners and etiquette are explicitly taught.

However, making friends is not exactly easy for most. Confidence, self-esteem, temperament; these all factor into the process personally. But then there is the reciprocation, the two-way street. Does this person like me back?

In Raising a Socially Successful Child, Dr. Stephen Nowicki explains the Friendship process; the different stages of how we start and maintain relationships.

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Child(ish) Reads: Raising a Socially Successful Child

| Patti Webb

When I first saw this book, I was interested in the nonverbal communication aspect. Yes, there are lots of parenting books about helping your kids make friends and navigate social circles, but the nonverbal factors gave this book a bit of an OT edge.

Raising a Socially Successful Child: Teaching Kids the Nonverbal Language They Need to Communicate, Connect, and Thrive by Dr. Stephen Nowicki. 

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