autonomy

Coffee Chat: The Sideline(d) Parent

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Third grade really is a pivotal year—not just academically, but emotionally and socially— and in all the subtle ways, kids start stepping into themselves. It’s not just the shift in classroom expectations; it’s everything else.

This fall, my son joined kid-pitch baseball for the first time. He practiced endlessly on his pitching, determined to take the mound —and he did. Watching him struggle through his first inning, knowing I couldn’t step in or give him a quick pep talk between batters, was a moment that mirrored so much of what this school year has felt like so far.

And now, there’s the new line I hear more often from him: “I know, Mom.” It’s a small phrase, but it carries the weight of his growing away and me slowly finding myself on the sidelines. While I know this was bound to happen (our kids can’t stay little forever), it doesn’t make this quiet shift any easier.

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Coffee Chat: Old Enough

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

Have you ever seen videos of Asian kids coming home from school? Like this one.

I find these fascinating. Yes, the appliances they have look incredibly simple and efficient (and make me want to buy them), but can we talk about these kids? They seem way too young to be that impressively responsible. I couldn’t picture my 5-year-old prepping dinner or cleaning the house all by himself.

So, when surfing through Netflix shows to binge, I assumed Old Enough was the same thing.

Old Enough (or My First Errand in Japan) is a reality show featuring kids between the ages of 2-5, running their first independent errands throughout town. Despite our initial cringe of SENDING THESE KIDS OUT ON THEIR OWN for the sake of entertainment, their adventures are carefully planned and approved by their families well in advance. If anything were to go wrong (like missing a bus stop or walking home in the dark), the camera and production safety crews are ready to intervene. The show’s intention is to witness and celebrate these little kids as they accomplish something for the very first time. Although the tasks are fairly simple, it’s hard to imagine our own kids taking on the same challenges by themselves with no supervision.

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Autonomy Class

| Mary Stoffel, MOT, OTR/L

A couple weeks ago, we drafted a whole post about boundaries, along with every other parenting content creator on the block. Patti and I went back and forth on what exactly we wanted to say because at this point, “boundaries” is quite the buzzword and we didn’t know if our post actually had anything new to contribute. Emotional boundaries, trust boundaries, “I won’t let you…”, bodily consent, and so on; each with their own nuance and circumstances.

At our kids’ age (toddler to early school age), most of the boundaries we put in place are for personal safety. And why do we have these safety boundaries, besides avoiding the obvious child negligence charge? So that our kids can learn age-appropriate autonomy without harming themselves or people around them. So let’s start from there….

You know when your child refuses to eat what you made for dinner? Or when they put on some mismatched getup instead of the outfit you laid out for them? They’re not trying to be difficult. What you are witnessing is their autonomy at work.

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