Lee Abbott (signing): You cannot go down there!
Regan Abbott: Why not?
Lee Abbott: You know why.
Regan Abbott: I’m not a child! I won’t make a sound!
Lee Abbott: Just don’t. Please.

“Quiet” isn’t the first word that comes to mind when describing kids. More often, they fill every corner with sound—shrieks of joy, dramatic retellings, spontaneous dinosaur roars. Children tend to operate at full volume…unfortunately. As it turns out, there are real, developmental reasons behind all that noise.

Kids tend to be loud, not because they’re misbehaving, but because they’re still learning. Self-awareness, emotional regulation, and social cues are all works in progress. They’re figuring out how to read the room, tune into themselves, and turn the volume dial down. Add in boundless energy and curiosity, and volume becomes part of how they explore, connect, and express themselves.

Some reasons include:

• Not realizing how loud they really are. Young children are still learning to recognize and regulate their own volume. They often don’t realize how loud they sound or how it affects others. For them, “too loud” is a concept in progress because volume control isn’t instinctive, it’s a skill that develops over time. We can see this when multiple kids are together, like at a party or playing inside. The volume gradually gets louder, even after multiple “keep it down”s.
  
  
• Everything at 100. Big feelings often come out loud. Whether it’s joy, frustration, or pure silliness, volume becomes the megaphone for that emotion (and most of the time, it’s loud). Like when they get excited about knowing an answer, or they see their favorite character, or if they lose at a video game.
  
  
• Wanting to be heard. Kids may get loud to feel heard, included, or regulated. This is especially true in busy spaces where louder voices help them stand out or meet sensory needs.
  
  
• Being overwhelmed. When kids are overstimulated, their voices may get louder as their nervous systems scramble to find balance. That rising volume is often a clue that they’re dysregulated.
  
  
• It’s something they can control. Being loud is a way for kids to assert their autonomy. It’s a way to test boundaries, seek attention, and explore what feels powerful or funny.
  
  
• Modeling what they observe (and hear). If adults in their environment often speak loudly due to habit, hearing loss, or a noisy environment, children may adopt that tone without even realizing it. Because my father is hard of hearing and speaks loudly, I naturally picked up the same habit as a child.
  
  
• A possible hearing issue. In some cases, persistent loudness may signal hearing challenges. If paired with unresponsiveness, it’s worth checking with a pediatrician. You can also gauge this when you’re kid is in excessively noisy environments. Do they cover their ears when trying to use a hand dryer, when a fire truck goes by, when an alarm goes off, etc.
  
  
• Neurodivergence. Children with ADHD or Autism may experience challenges with volume control as their sensory processing and self-regulation needs can affect how loudly they speak or respond.

Noise Regulation

Volume control is a key part of self-regulation, especially in social and emotional contexts. When a child learns to adjust how loudly they speak, they also address:

• Impulse control – resisting the urge to shout when excited or frustrated
• Emotional regulation – matching voice volume to feelings, like calming down after yelling
• Social awareness – recognizing when a quiet voice is needed (library, classroom, bedtime)
• Sensory regulation – managing internal sensory input that might drive loudness; for example, screaming to create a predictable controllable sound in a chaotic environment to ground themselves

But, volume control isn’t just about being quiet. It’s about our kids knowing when and how to use their voice appropriately in various settings.  One way the brain supports this is through the auditory feedback loop, a built-in system that helps us adjust our speech in real time. As we talk, the brain sends signals to our vocal muscles, our ears hear the result, and the auditory cortex processes what we said. Then, the brain compares what it heard to what we intended. If something’s off (like volume, pitch, or tone) it makes quick adjustments.

You can especially see this while you’re wearing headphones. Think about how you underestimate and adjust your volume because the headphone is muffling your hearing. Plus, what you’re listening to is at a different volume baseline than the person you are having a conversation with. This moment-by-moment loop helps kids fine-tune how they sound as they speak. So, if the auditory feedback loop offers instant sound correction, why do kids still struggle to control their volume?

The middle precentral gyrus (mPrCG) primarily manages vocal output; however, this region lies in the brain’s frontal lobe which isn’t fully developed in children. That means this region may not yet coordinate volume adjustments efficiently. So even when children hear themselves clearly, their ability to fine-tune how loud they sound can be hit or miss. In other words, mastering the elusive “indoor voice” takes a lot more time, practice, and a whole lot of patience.

Sound Check

One way to help your child with volume control is voice modulation, an intentional control of vocal elements (pitch, tone, pace, emphasis) in how we speak to enhance clarity, emotion, and listener engagement. Teaching modulation helps kids:

• Improve communication as modulated voices are easier to understand and more engaging.
• Support emotional regulation since they learn to match their voice to their feelings.
• Build social awareness, recognizing when to use quiet vs. loud voices.
• Boost confidence, especially in public speaking and classroom participation.

Here are some strategies to help with voice modulation:

• The Voice Meter Game. Make a simple chart that shows voice levels from 0 (silent) to 10 (shouting). Use it to help kids notice and adjust their volume based on the setting. Practice together by matching voice levels to real-life scenarios, like whispering in a library (level 1), chatting at the dinner table (level 5), or calling out across a playground (level 10). Personalize it by adding common scenarios for your home, like Someone is still sleeping or Dad is in a Zoom meeting.
  
  
• Emotional Storytelling. Bring stories to life by reading them with expressive tones (excited, nervous, curious, etc.). Invite kids to act out characters using voices that match the mood, helping them explore volume, pitch, and emotion through play. It’s a fun way to build vocal flexibility and emotional expression. Brownie points if this gets your kids interested acting or voice lessons.
  
  
• Emphasis Practice. Choose a sentence and highlight the key words. Have kids say it aloud, putting extra energy into those words, like: “We must act NOW to save the bees.” It’s a fun way to build expressive delivery and help kids explore tone, urgency, and meaning.
  
  
• The Art of the Pause. Help kids discover the impact of a well-timed pause; after commas, dramatic moments, or questions. Use claps, hand signals, or visual cues to signal when to pause, building awareness of pacing and expression in speech. Just like teachers use in class.
  
  
• Volume Charades. Act out everyday scenarios, like ordering at a restaurant or cheering at a game, using voices that match the moment. After each round, the group determines if the volume fit the situation. It’s a fun way to build awareness and practice adjusting vocal levels.
  
  
• Model and Narrate. Use simple, spoken examples like “I’m using a quiet voice because we’re inside” to show kids how to connect voice choices to context. These real-time explanations help build internal scripts they can use to monitor and adjust their own volume.
  
  
• Record and Replay.  Let kids record their voice, then listen back to hear how loud or soft they sounded. It’s a simple way to build self-awareness and spark reflection on volume.
  
  
• Match and Label. Help kids connect feelings to voice choices by naming what you hear: “You sound really excited! Let’s save that big voice for outside.”

Constantly trying to correct your kid for being too loud is frustrating. But, managing their voice volume starts with awareness, grows through emotional connection, and sticks with playful practice. With consistent modeling and repetition, children can learn to tune their voices to match the moment. As they get older, this skill becomes a lot more intuitive.

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