Every night, not unusually, Troy and I read to A&Z before bed. We had done a bit of a library purge and made sure that they had a variety of Early Reader and Beginner Chapter books, having already gone through all of our picture books. Now that the girls were older, I wanted to make sure the girls were being challenged by the material, instead of reading the same books over and over.
We switched to reading aloud together and let the girls alternate pages or passages. That’s when what used to be an understandable gap turned into one of our kids falling behind.
When it comes to school, A always skewed more academic and Z was the more social people-pleaser. They always received good marks from their teachers, and we didn’t really get the sense that anything was wrong from their progress reports or test scores. But Z was clearly struggling.
When we read aloud, she would often get the same words wrong. We would sound out a word, go over it together, and then she wouldn’t recognize it a couple lines later. Sight words weren’t yet memorized, and when she would trip up, it would take her much longer to recover and refocus. She would guess instead of read the word in front of her. It didn’t help that A was right next to her trying to whisper the right pronunciation. Reading time became frustrating for all involved.
When her reading errors didn’t seem age-appropriate anymore, we floated the idea of tutoring to her teacher and she wholeheartedly agreed. “Whenever she gets frustrated with a word, instead of moving on, she will just sit and keep getting stuck.” I also think Z falls in the middle-performing student category; the concept that in a classroom, high-performing and at-risk students get the majority of a teacher’s focus, while those in the middle tend to slip.
If her reading and writing was behind at this point, how much would that affect her learning trajectory when curriculum starts getting more and more complex?
I researched a few different tutoring options nearby. Some were just online, some were in groups, some had more standardized curriculum. I asked my cousin who was a former teacher and tutor what she thought. I ended up booking a consultation with Huntington Learning Center in mid-February.
I knew how much Z hated being compared to her sister. And, I knew how much we both hated trying to guide her through homework or reading. Whatever the path Z needed, I knew it had to be one-on-one, and I could not be involved.
Just a Test
During our consultation, Z took a placement test and I got to explain my concerns to our coordinators. I also had a copy of Z’s latest iReady test analysis.
Other non-school questions to be prepared for:
How was her last vision test?
Have we seen any flags for dyslexia or ADHD?
Would we consider holding her back, like retroactively redshirting?
It’s difficult to say that her age or environment is a factor because her sister already performs well academically. I also don’t think we would’ve suspected she was behind grade level if it weren’t for the comparisons with her sister. My impression was that Z needed to build her skills as well as her confidence. She needed to be in an arena where she wasn’t competing and where she couldn’t quit.
When her test results came back, they confirmed that she was behind not only in recognizing sight words, but also: phonics, blended letters, spelling, comprehension and recall, math facts, and handwriting.
On a personality note, they did recognize that Z was a very sharp and aware student. Her vocabulary and conversation were well above grade level. I appreciated that they recognized her strengths as well as her weaknesses.
The learning plan: 100 hours to get her from a late kindergarten scoring average to mid-late second grade. The latter would give Z a little bit of padding to build her confidence in the new school year.
Parent Confession: This was not cheap or quick. We had to forgo a planned house project, Spring Break, some summer camp options, and the girls’ birthday trip to afford it. It also took up a lot of time. The 100 hours broke down to 1.5 hours, 4 days a week. During Spring Break and Summer, it was 2-hour sessions, 4 days a week. That’s a lot of commuting. Z took to calling it “second school”.
Aftermath
I could tell Z was getting tired of all the work, but seeing her tutors everyday was a highlight. She was able to build so much trust and rapport with her instructors as well as the other coordinators at Huntington. On her last day, she asked for a picture with all her teachers that she could keep. When we told her that she was done, she got visibly upset that she wouldn’t get to see Miss Karen anymore. It’s worth noting that these tutors were all veteran teachers.
Based on her age and temperament, they also knew that she responded well to rewards. Whenever she would master a concept or new unit, she would get a little certificate or sticker for her collection. She also got to keep all of her mastered sight words on index cards, so by the end of the learning plan, she had amassed a whole stack.
Z was retested in the middle and end of her plan, and reached the agreed-upon goals we outlined in February. We also submitted her end-of-year iReady testing and her 1st grade teacher complimented her on how much growth she’d achieved. Huntington was very thorough in explaining what Z was being tested on and how that corresponded to her learning goals. We also received copies of those results and her answer sheet.
Overall, I’m very happy with Z’s results and even more proud of the work she put in. I definitely had to remind her of the end goal multiple times, but I can tell now that she is a more confident reader. I can also see that she’s become a more independent student. She can get through homework without asking about directions or getting stuck and giving up.
Extra Credit
Her learning coordinator also gave us some good parting tips. He is a veteran teacher that, funny enough, got his start teaching 1st graders. He said that first grade literacy is important because you start reading aloud in class. This is where a lot of students can get anxiety and lose confidence because it’s so public. If you are having trouble reading or decoding words, suddenly everyone knows that you are the kid who can’t read good.
So what can we do:
Join a team sport that is NOT soccer.
It made me laugh when he specifically said not soccer, especially since I pretty much hated seeing my kids “play” soccer two years ago. Little kid soccer can be so dramatic and frustrating, so I can see how it wouldn’t be a confidence builder unless she already had existing soccer skills. Otherwise, team sports participation can be very inclusive and very gratifying. It’s also a stress buster.
Reading together at night should be about relaxing, not learning.
I should not try to give my kids reading pop quizzes when I want them to relax and wind down. I also don’t need to get everyone frustrated and depressed on a regular basis. Which fits hand-in-hand with…
For academics, kids need a teacher. Not a parent.
If I’m trying to teach my kid content and they/I am getting frustrated, then I am no longer a safe place. I’ve replaced my unconditional acceptance with drills, criticisms, and “try again”. That is a role that I don’t need to play, and in the end it doesn’t actually help her learn to read any better.
Legos help handwriting.
Finger strength helps with handwriting control and precision. This also goes for clay and slime.
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